Input Needed!!!

Help me Help me Help me!!! It’s my new blog site. I think I finally found a theme I love and I want your input. CHECK OUT MY NEW BLOG PULEASE

Ok. I’m obviously not really posting stuff there yet but I realllly wanna start asap. But I really wanted y’alls opinion first. Yay. I’m nervous and excited. Ok gotta go get ready and go out! Have an awesome weekend!!!!

Umm.. OK…?

Strange. I haven’t really written anything interesting in weeks but my stat table shot up today… Now here I am (again) wishing I had google analytics so I would know what the reason was. Damn you simple wordpress blog, damn you.

Highly related; I took a personal day yesterday. I wasn’t planning on doing this but for some reason I pulled an all-nighter and didn’t go to bed till 7:30 am.  Consequently I got 3 hours of sleep (on the couch) and when I woke up I didn’t really feel like moving, at all. So I didn’t move. That’s not true, I went to the bathroom a few times and let the dogs out and might have gotten some food from the kitchen; but I didn’t move much. Mom was not too thrilled about this but I assured her (in a loud voice that could be confused with screaming) that while I may not be at work, I am still working. Obviously that’s a lie. I was extremely productive though.

The all-nighter is actually a little embarrassing. No, I wasn’t out partying it up. I wasn’t drinking or smoking or taking speed or lines or anything (those last two I don’t actually ever do).  I was… I was… sigh, ok, somehow I got extremely motivated (I wish I knew the source of the motivation so I could bottle it and spray it on whenever I need it) and around 10 pm I started working on my new website I was talking about a week or two ago. I looked at the clock at 12:40 am and told myself that at 1 am I was going to bed. Didn’t happen. I got fucking addicted to finishing the site. Pathetic. The next time I looked at the clock only b/c I could hear birds chirping and thought that was strange: It was 5:30 am. Dagger. The whole night flew by. Going to bed at 5:30 am seemed like a lost cause so I gave up on sleep and focused on working. Around 7:30 am my body demanded sleep and my brain was rebelling (it was already thinking about the work day ahead and was not excited about it).

I put my head on the pillow and closed my eyes. Literally 2 minutes later my mom walked in the family room where I had just laid down. Shit. Do normal people really wake up this early? I pretended I had been asleep for hours on the couch. She was loud as fuck doing dishes in the kitchen but I still managed to pass the fuck out fast. In the small amount of non-REM sleep I got I had a dream that basically haunted me all day. Thank you brain. Stupid bitch (my brain’s a female, like myself. Duh). Details shortly.

I woke up thinking I was going to go to work but then the whole “I don’t wanna move” mood hit me so I picked up my computer and yup, I got back to work. All day I worked on that fucking site. Making a website is not easy. It was kinda fun though. Especially when things started to fall into place. It was easier to do during the day; the night before I had taken a few xanax to go to bed (didn’t work) so I was beginning my website building journey under the influence. It made it much less stressful but ultimately backfired. I would finally figure out how to set up a database and rejoice (congratulations! You now have a database!) only to be directed to the admin login page and… umm (think think think)… what the fuck is my user name and password!??!?  Ughhhh why is this happening to me!??!! My face falls. I can’t remember my info. Why didn’t I write that shit down? Curse you brain. — Anyways… things like that… happening all night long. Yes, daytime is def the best time to do work. Trust me.

The site is up and running but I want it to be perfect and it’s not yet, so I’ll letcha know when I’m totally done and give y’all a link! I’m so excited!! I feel uber smart and accomplished. As well as exhausted.

The dream was about the ex; which really threw me off my game (or whatever I’m usually on) for the day. I haven’t had a dream about him or even with him in it since… since… I have no idea. Since last year maybe? Where did that come from!?!? It wasn’t very interesting except that we were at his parents house and it was a castle and his mom was being really cool towards me (she’s a huge bitch in real life. Huge. Bitch). Things we fine. We weren’t together in my dream (together meaning relationship). I remember wondering what the fuck I was doing at his parents castle and that I didn’t really wanna see him at all but didn’t know what to do. Then there he was (looking chunky btw. HA) and we caught up on life and things were not bad. The dream isn’t the story really. The story is what happened while I was telling BFF about my dream on our way to HH that evening. It’s a very short story.

My blackberry vibrates. I have a facebook notification. I read it and momentarily choke on my tongue and had it been my old car I would have thrown my phone at the windshield; not to GiGi though. Never at GiGi. The ex has sent me a friend request. AGAIN. THAT’S THE 3RD OR 4TH FRIEND REQUEST IN LESS THAN A YEAR PEOPLE. IGNORE. IGNORE. IGNORE. Can you NOT take a hint?!?!?!? Have you no pride?!?!

I was spooked the rest of the night thinking the ex has ESP and knew I had a dream about him. I mean… that is a little weird right? Coincidental? Definitely. Creepy? Totally. Pathetic? Ohhhhh yeah.

Off to a MLB game now =). HURRAY for the weekend!!!!!

MIB: Missing In Blogland

Dear Blog,

I’ve been neglecting you, I know, and I’m sorry. I’ve just been so busy lately. Life, unfortunately, is no day at the beach (except for when I’m actually, ya know… at the beach). I miss you though; I really do. I think about you more often than you probably know. I hate to say it but, with the Capitals playing tonight and all, I probably wont be able to blog until tomorrow at the earliest; unless of course I get an intense urge to blog under the influence.

Please don’t be mad at me! I feel awful about it. I have all these stories and ideas that are just begging to be written about and honestly it’s been quite stressful for me; not being able to blog whenever I want. I know what you’re thinking… “Hockey!?! What the…!?! You’re putting hockey before ME!?! Guurrrlll you better get your priorities straight!! Since when are you a hockey fan anyways??!” Since Monday actually. I don’t expect you to understand. How could you? I’ve never written about hockey before. Hear me out. On Monday I watched the Capitals destroy the Rangers in their quest for the Stanley Cup. It was in-fucking-credible. It’s non-stop action. NON-FUCKING-STOP!!

You know how much I love football… well, this was like football on ice (although obviously totally different; that’s just what I equate it to). I’ve found my favorite football off-season sport. Before Monday I didn’t really care about any sport other than football; now I feel like I’ve found a home with hockey. If you really loved or cared about me at all you’d be happy for me. I honestly believe you’re gonna love hockey too once you learn a little more about it. Just listen, I swear you’ll be glad you did…

When a player gets a penalty they have to sit out on the bench for 2 minutes; leaving their team with only 4 players on the ice instead of the normal 5 (besides the goalie). This is called a power play for the opposing team: They have the obvious advantage for 2 minutes playing 5 on 4 hockey. There’s never even a real pause in the game! You know how in football the refs blow the whistle all the time and the game stops so the teams can regroup or make substitutions? I’m sure I’ve told you about that. Well, not in hockey! The whistle hardly ever blows! Players literally jump on and off the ice from the bench making pauses almost obsolete! And that’s not all; not even close. During a power play, the remaining players can still get penalties. When that happens, the penalized player gets sent to the penalty box making the game even more exciting! Then instead of 5 on 4 hockey it turns into 5 on 3 hockey or 4 on 4 depending on which team the penalized player is on.

Sometimes, after a few penalties, the power plays can get hard to keep track of! For example: Penalty called on a Rangers player= Capitals power play for 2 minutes… then 30 seconds later a penalty is called on a Caps player and he’s sent to the penalty box= 4 on 4 hockey for the remaining minute and 3o seconds of the first power play. Then the initially penalized Rangers player is freed and they jump back on the ice= 5 on 4 hockey and the Rangers have a power play for another 30 seconds (penalties are always 2 minutes long). Then the Caps player is free and jumps back on the ice= 5 on 5 hockey again. Multiple penalties can be called during power plays; so you can see how this could get hard to keep up with (esp after a few drinks).

And the fighting!!! Oh blog… most sports break up fights as soon as they begin and even fine the players involved sometimes. Not. In. Hockey. Fighting is almost encouraged on the ice!!! Seriously!! Players slam each other against the glass trying to get the puck. Confrontations are common; and fights break out causing complete chaos. Yes, the refs do break it up eventually, but not like in other sports. A fight can erupt and the refs will just stand there and watch it escalate! It’s wicked fucking awesome.

Wanna know what else is wicked awesome? The Capitals are actually really fucking good. And this is the playoffs. We have to win tonight to stay alive; and win we will. We killed the Rangers on Monday, 4-0… on their own ice! Tonight’s a big deal blog. I really hope you understand now. At least try to… for me. I’ll be back before you know it I promise. I can’t wait to tell you what’s been going on in my life the past few days. A lot can happen in a few days! I met a guy, had an incredible drunken heart to heart with bff, discovered the most adorably picturesque town ever not too far from where I live, succumbed (again) to my now-seriously-almost-out-of-control shopping addiction, got to work on time (Whoa… I know) and that’s only a fraction of everything that’s been going on.

I guess that in the time it took me to write this letter I could have written about what’s been going on… but it would have been a half-assed post. I’m just not focused enough (or unfocused enough) to write a blog worthy post right now. I did feel like I needed to explain myself and the reason behind my blogging absence. Please don’t call my mother; we aren’t in grade school anymore. Writing you this letter wasn’t easy for me and I’m hoping that tomorrow we can put all this behind us and blog-on like this short hiatus never even happened. I love you blog. If you had a forehead I’d kiss it right now and if you had hands I would squeeze one of them in a reassuring sort of way. Pretend I just did that. I’ll talk to you tomorrow…

xoxox

<3

Me

New Fav Word & Website: Snoburbia

So there’s this website that sells really incredible t-shirts. It’s called Snoburbia. Their slogan is Snoburbia, t-shirts for the overclass.

I came across it going through google reader this afternoon. ShirtSnob wrote a little ditty about it. I was curious to see the other t-shirts so I checked out the site.

GO CHECK OUT SNOBURBIA NOW! Or, of course, after you read the rest of this post.

As I’m looking through the t-shirt designs I start to get really really excited: A good number of the t-shirts are geared toward… LA? Nope. NY? Uh Uh. Your town? Not unless you live where I live; in the super fantastic Snoburbs of Washington, DC!

I do a little “my city/suburb is so fucking radical” dance in my chair. I click on the Snoburbs tee to pick my suburb and order a shirt. I open the tab with the suburbs choices… pause… re-check… pause… think Pooh think! Where is it??!? I refresh the page. My suburb is still a no-show. I’m mildly upset and very confused. I decide I’m gonna write them a letter (e-mail, same thing). So I do.

(I didn’t actually write the opening line in my email, but I think it’s a good opening line (it’s in black). The rest of the email (in blue) is exactly as I wrote it.) Oh and DMV= the District, Maryland & Virginia. We have cool codes here

To whom it may concern,

I just found your site and I love it!! I was looking at your “suburbia” or “snoburbia” T’s and don’t understand why you chose almost all Maryland suburbs. Everyone knows the VA side of DC is way better and Alexandria and Arlington are hardly where the snobs live. The point of this email: I am in desperate need of a “McLean” t-shirt. In Desperate Need.

I also think that you’d sell a ton of McLean t-shirts, since I’m obviously not the only person that lives here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to tell you what to do or how to run your business. Not even close. I’m just throwing out suggestions that I think would be profitable. Do I have other suggestions? I’m so glad you asked! I do! 1) Great Falls. I was totally surprised that this suburb wasn’t already on the list. I mean, it’s like the snobbiest of the snobby. Seriously. Great Fallsians (made up word) think they are God’s gift to the DMV. 2) Langley. I’m aware that Langley isn’t exactly a suburb (no post office) but they do have a snobby ass high school (full of Great Falls “gifts”). They also have the CIA. I’d buy a Langley shirt as well as a McLean shirt. Technically (or non-technically since it’s not a real place) I live in both.

And what about tank tops? Like wife-beaters and spaghetti strap tanks? Are you gonna start selling any of those anytime soon? Because that would be great.

Okay, that’s all. Thanks for listening! I really really hope to see these snoburbs soon!!!! A+ on your website though; such a great idea. The OBX and SUV shirts are just incredible. I wish I could buy an OBX: Obnoxious bumper sticker and replace the normal OBX one I have now. Possibly in the future of snoburbia???? Again, just an idea.

Sincerely,

Me (obviously I wrote my real name)

To my surprise, they responded within the hour. Yeah. How’s that for awesome customer service? I even got a personalized, semi-lengthy email filled with wit and smiley’s and everything. I was impressed. Here’s what they wrote…

Hi (Me) -

While I disagree with your general premise : ), I think you are right that I need to offer more Va. snoburbs. I chose Arlington and Alexandria because they are more populous, but I have been getting some requests for McLean and Great Falls. So I’ll add them to the site – probably in the next week or two - and send you an email when they are added.

I will be adding hoodies, long-sleeve shirts and messenger bags in the future, but not in the next few months. Thanx for your input about tanks – I will certainly think about that. Also thanx for the OBX bumper sticker – I had considered it, but may rethink it.

I will also, begrudgingly, add a Virginia > Maryland version of my Md. > Va. tee… : )  I will also probably add a Michigan/Ohio and Louisiana/Texas series.

Also, as you love [italics!] my site, I hope you’ll send the link to a few friends, or tell your local newspaper or magazine about it or “become a fan” of snoburbia.com on Facebook! We’re brand new and really need the exposure. Bethesda Magazine is featuring us in its July/Aug issue, but I can’t seem to crack the Washington Post!

Thanx for your nice remarks. I’ll be in touch soon!!

Lydia

http://snoburbia.com – t-shirts for the overclass

It may be the best email exchange I’ve ever had. I guess I can overlook the fact that she’s obviously from Maryland. She is, after all, making the t-shirt I wanted and even one I didn’t ask for but will totally buy. VA is so much better than MD. I cant wait! I also adore the fact that she slightly poked fun of my abundant italics use. It’s true, I do love italics. And she said begrudgingly… I freagin love that word. What a great job she has; I’m jealous. I may have to look into working for them. You should go look into the t-shirts though. They also have a Blog you should check out. I’m checking it out right now. =)

God Is Just A Friend Request Away

God. The Almighty. The Alpha & The Omega. The Holy One. The Holy Spirit. The Holy Ghost. The One & Only. Some people live their lives in a never ending quest to find God. Some people are skeptical of his existence. Some people pray hoping for some sort of answer to their prayers. But almost everyone I know, even if they are agnostic or atheist, is curious. If they don’t believe in God it’s because they are the type of people who need hard evidence and have found none (or not enough) to support the theory of the Bible. (I say theory in italics b/c I totally believe, so it’s not a theory to me; it’s a fact.) Well, oh ye unbelieving ones, God is real. He’s as real as you and me (if you are, in fact, real people). Some say God isn’t present in the God-forsaken, technology reliant, promiscuous society we live in today… You. Would. Be. Wrong. How do I know? I’ll tell you.

I signed into Facebook today, read a few new messages and then went back to my homepage when, low and behold, under my “suggestions” box on the right side of my screen, this is what I see…

God
16 friends are fans
Become a Fan

I laugh at first, naturally. Then I’m a bit intrigued. I click on the page link. I am taken directly to God’s homepage. “God’s what??” God’s homepage; his very own Facebook page that looks basically like yours or mine would look but not as fancy. I think the reason it’s so basic is because, ya know, God’s a busy guy and probably doesn’t have time to add cool boxes and update his info all the time. Understandable.

Under God’s “Recent Activity” there is one lonely line that reads, “God Joined Facebook”. Sigh, I guess it is true: Everyone jumps on the Facebook bandwagon eventually. So far he’s pretty popular as far as Facebook goes; he has almost a million fans. In the grand scheme of things this doesn’t really seem like a lot when you consider how many people are on Facebook all over the world that believe in God, but I’m sure this number will grow as people discover that He’s on Facebook. I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty curious to see how many fans He will ultimately get. All joking aside, I’m also curious what He thinks of all this. Is it a pro or a con? Hypothetical situation: I die tomorrow (knock on wood) and go to Heaven. As I near the pearly gates I see God in all his glory and contemplate how much the gold paved road would cost on earth. I get to the gates. God looks at me and asks me what I’ve done to spread his Word.

“Well…” I’ll say, “I became a fan of yours on Facebook yesterday and, not to brag but I have 1,076 Facebook friends, so I’d say that “Heather became a fan of God” showed up in all of their suggestion boxes. That counts as spreading your Word, right? And through six degrees of separation I’d guess that at least a few more thousand people saw that I was a fan of yours as well. Did you know that you already have 983′818 fans?!? I don’t know when exactly (or how for that matter) you joined Facebook but… you sure are a popular fellow. You go God!”

Would that gain me entry into Heaven? What if I don’t become a fan of God on Facebook? Would that get me a one-way ticket straight to Hell? Does God even really want to be on Facebook? It all seems a bit ridiculous to me. Almost sacrilegious. What do you think? Are you going to become a Facebook fan of God?

Cool(ey) Hump Day News

So it seems I’m not the only one with Mr. Chris Cooley on the brain. Check it out… seriously, watch it. Watch all of it. And get excited. Best part? Either the picture over the mantle in the beginning (seriously who does that? It’s awesome. I’m def gonna have one when I get married) or the part where he talks about being white; priceless.

Drinking & Shopping Do NOT Mix

For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you know that yesterday was a fabulous Monday for me. For those of you who don’t, let me explain.

Yesterday was the opening day game for the Washington Nationals baseball team. The game was at 3:05 pm. “Wow… that’s perfect for people with 9-5 jobs!” … uhh syke. Luckily, my job is not your typical 9-5 thanks to a little thing I like to call “flex hours”.

Our flex hours are pretty common. They allow you to change your hours from the normal 9-5 (actually it’s 9-6 but I’ll just use 9-5 for the purpose of the example) to other hours like 8-4, 7-3, 10-6, etc. I interpreted this to mean, “Dude… I can come in at noon and stay till 8 pm! Fucking crucial!” The latest the flex hours start is 10 am… needless to say I’ve completely taken advantage of the flex hours and bended them to meet my extended sleeping needs. But hey, I’m getting in my 8 hours! (Most of the time anyways)

I showed up to work at noon and took off for the game at 2 pm. It was the best Monday maybe ever. Juicy also took off a few hours of work and came with me since I had two tickets. The only reason I got these tickets is because my dad gets season tickets but wasn’t able to take off any work (it’s big time busy season right now); but I’m not an accountant (thank God) so I jumped (literally) on the chance to go to opening day.

[I'm adding this next part in b/c it's too good to leave out]

Normally we have a parking pass so we can drive and park near the stadium. For this game my dad gave up the parking pass to the other two people using our other tickets to go to the game. So we have no parking pass. My dad and brother tell us to take metro (subway… whatever you call it). I hate metro. With a passion. I passionately hate metro. Juicy, being my best friend and being awesome, also hates metro. On our way driving to the metro station (we didn’t know what else to do) we’re talking about how much metro sucks and how long its gonna take and how the hell are we gonna find parking in the middle of the day; just your basic bitching really.

Then we get there and not only could we not find parking… we couldn’t even find the damn parking lot. In our genius heads we had decided to go to a metro station closer to our destination so that we would only have to be on metro for a short period of time. But that means we were both completely unfamiliar with this metro station. We start to get very frustrated; time ticking away. I announce that I have something we could, ahem, smoke. Two pm on a Monday… and she’s all for it. She’s already had two beers at lunch. I love this girl. So we do.

Right after, Juicy looks at me and says, “Lets just drive there.” I think, Brilliant! Then I come to my senses and ask if she knows where it is. She says no. We sit and think for a second. Juicy blurts out, “Maybe the address is on the tickets!” I dive into my purse, grab the tickets and hand one to Juicy so we can both scan them looking for an address. No luck. Juicy then proclaims, “Oh I know how to get there, don’t worry just start driving.” Ummmmm hmmmm.

There are many problems with this. 1) She’s totally lying. She has no idea where to go. 2) Nationals Park, although gorgeous, is in Southeast DC… literally in the middle of Anacostia. Non-DCers might not know what that means. I’m going to compare it to Compton. Anacostia is the DC version of Compton. I would not recommend driving or hanging around Anacostia… especially if you’re a little white girl. 3) With no parking pass, we have no idea where we are going to park… in Anacostia… where someone will probably break into my beautiful GiGi or steal her.  4) My laptop is in my car. 5) I have a whole closet in my car. 6) I have a huge purse with my checkbook and some credit cards in it (I switch purses a lot) in my car. 7) Landrovers stick out in Anacostia. 9) White girls in Landrovers blasting rap music really stick out in Anacostia. 10) We don’t have any weapons… or mace or anything except for stilettos to beat a potential mugger with. We are helpless, blond, snotty, designer wearing, ticket holding girls. Oh yeah and we’re kinda blazed. (I had to skip the #8 b/c it made a smiley face with sunglasses on… see

I tell Juicy this. She says that we should just valet the car in front of the stadium. I jump in my seat and turn to face her, “THEY HAVE VALET!?!?” I think I scared her, “Oh hahah nooo I was saying it would be cool if they did.” I pout and say it’s a damn good idea.  Then Juicy has a “duh” moment and says, “Uh, why don’t we use your navigation and put in the metro stop at the park?” Such amazing intelligence. I put it in; it works. She says maybe the metro station there has a parking garage. Good thinking. I agree that driving is the best bet (I really hate metro) and believe that we’ll be able to find somwhere semi-safe to park. All the other worries are forgotten and we head to the ghetto.

We actually found a parking garage right next to the stadium to park in so that was lucky. It was $30 though and I only had $15. Juicy had $1… so helpful.  I tried to talk my way through that one but, it’s pretty obvious… the garage attendant just wants my money. He tells me to park, go to an ATM and bring him the $$ before we go to the game; or he cant promise what will happen to my car. Great. Just great. Now Juicy and I are walking around Anacostia looking for an ATM. Really safe.

While waiting to cross the road we “met” some interesting characters; drug dealers I think they’re called. Very typical looking, coulda been in a movie. They whistled at our asses and said, “daaaayyyuum you hot”. Ugh the grammar makes me shudder. I replied, “Yeah, we know.” Juicy completely ignored them which was probably a good move. Then they heckled us for tickets and invited us to party with them until finally the light changed and we raced across the street. The same thing happened when we had to cross the street to get back. Like they forgot that whole episode had already happened. Idiots.

On our way back to the garage I tell Juicy that if I was a black girl, the black (drug dealer) with the red backwards hat would have been totally my type. She stares at me in disgust. “I know!” I explain, “That’s why I thank God every day that I’m white. My taste in men is awful! If I had been born a black girl; I would have loved guys like that.” Juicy starts to see where I’m going with this, “Uhhh yeah it’s a really good thing you’re white. You do like your men a lil ghetto.” I ponder this for a moment, “Holy shit, if I was black I’d probably have at least 5 kids by now!” Juicy adds, “Yup… and all from different baby daddy’s.”

Us in unison, “Eww. Thank God I’m/Your white.”

Our conversations are incredible.

Finally we give the garage guy the money and turn the other corner and behold… Nationals Stadium. It’s gorgeous. Anacostia doesn’t deserve it. It’s sad really, Anacostia has so much potential: They have a big pretty river… it’s in DC…. now they have a stadium. That’s all I can think of right now. Other than those things it’s a total wasteland. No offense, but it’s just on the wrong side of the river. And I normally stay away. Except on game day of course.

Here’s a very small Anacostia example…

Before the stadium

After the stadium

Before the stadium

After the stadium

Waterfront... and gorgeous

Ok last picture

Anyways… it’s a very scary place with bars on windows or boarded up windows and if I had wanted crack I’m pretty sure I could have scored some in less than 5 seconds. When I first starting driving at 16 my dad told me, “If you’re ever on 395 and you see signs for Anacostia, you’re going the wrong way and you need to turn around… but don’t turn around in Anacostia, find somewhere else to turn around. Do not go into Anacostia.” Because of his words I basically just stay away from 395 altogether. Even to this day I’m pretty clueless when it comes to 395. I only know it goes to Anacostia, and I know I don’t wanna be there. One time in highschool bff and I were trying to find a club downtown and ended up in Anacostia around midnight on a Saturday. I’ve never been so scared in my life.

[Ok back to original writing]

The game was fab. We hardly watched any of it but I got some amaaazing people watching in. We drank a ridiculous amount of Miller Light. We tried to sweet talk our way into club seats. The “bouncer” guy told us to come back next game and he’d let us in (opening day was sold out). The Nat’s almost coulda possibly won after a two run homer in the 9th. But… of course… they lost. 9-8… Not a bad game.

After the game we went to a bar/restaurant at the mall to meet with Juicy’s new boy toy turned possible boyfriend. Two raspberry martini’s in I decide I have to have a fedora and I have to have it now. I stand and announce that I’m going to Urban Outfitters to buy a fedora. Boy toy looks at me like I may have lost it but Juicy’s used to me doing stuff like this. She gives me her credit card and tells me to buy her something awesome that she’ll love. I say Yay; and off I go.

I’m drunk at this point btw. The mall closes in 30 minutes and the last time I went into Urban to buy “one” thing… well, I didn’t leave with only one thing. This is why I think I probably have a shopping problem: When I walked into Urban Outfitters, I got high just by looking around at the clothes. Yeah.

The fedora falls to the back of my mind and I start picking things I love off of tables and racks barely looking at price tags. I get to the back of the store and see a fedora… for some reason a very faint bell begins ringing in my head. I pause to contemplate the ringing. Then came the “AhA!” moment and I pick up every fedora I see and take all my stuff to the register. I demand that the sales guy help me decide which fedora to get. I put on every fedora for this guy and we narrow it down to two: The same style, one’s black and one’s brown. He actually told me I was too blond for the black one but I liked it. Sales guy criticism only goes so far in my book.

They don’t have the brown one in my size and I mentally say “HA!” to the sales guy and decide to buy the black one. He rings up all my stuff… if I hadn’t been drunk I would have had a panic attack. But I was drunk, so I just whip out my credit card, flip my hair a bit and tell him to hold the brown fedora for me when they get it in my size b/c I will be coming back to buy it.

Cut to this morning.

I wake up around noon. Exhausted. Shower and start to get ready. I see a huge Urban Outfitters bag in the corner of my room. I have a small shopping flashback. Oh no. I rummage through the bag to see what I bought…

Before I continue I have to point this out. The necklace I bought, although it’s freagin awesome and I love it, is an initial necklace. At the time of my purchase I did not realize this at all and just got the first one I saw; with the initial B on it. What does B stand for??? Hell if I know. I’m an idiot though, I know that. I’m gonna say it stands for BAMF. Or possibly, “This is what you get when you Binge drink.” Maybe it should just stand for Bad decision, or Big mistake. The possibilities are endless really.

There’s more. Urbanoutfitters.com doesn’t have the other stuff I bought listed =( so I’ll just tell you about it. I got a new brown purse/clutch, a black vest that has a tuxedo front, a bottle-opening silver ring, a black racerback tank top that says Broke is the New Black (that was for Juicy but she said it had negative energy and couldn’t wear it. So I’m keeping it), and of course… my fedora. I think that’s all. I think. Unfortunately, this is the only pic I have of the fedora.

Please don’t ask what I’m doing… it’s kind of a long story. I really don’t think I could have pulled off that look on my face sans fedora. They just make you feel super bad ass. Even though I spent half a paycheck at Urban, I think I’m gonna go back and get the brown one too. I’m also going to return the black vest. I might return some other stuff but I have to try it all on first. OH AND I got earrings. Forgot about those.

See… that’s why I try to stay away from the mall. I fuckin love that hat though.

On A Lighter Note

I’m the luckiest bitch in the world. Pancey’s boyfriend freaked on her last week, dumped her, took most of his shit and dipped out. It was sudden to everyone on the outside but Pancey said she pretty much saw it coming and wont be taking him back, ever. So that’s kinda sad. Good news for me though. Pancey now needs a roommate. She lives in a gorgeous 3 bedroom townhouse near where Juicy lives. Adorable neighborhood, fenced in back yard and best of all, her grandmother owns it. Her grandmother must be clueless as to what normal rent prices around here are b/c she’s been giving Pancey the sweetest deal in the whole world. What’s my rent gonna be for a three story townhouse with a spare bedroom? $500. What would that normally cost? I honestly don’t even know b/c it’s so out of my price range I never looked but def way over $1000… I’m thinking closer to $2000. I’m so happy it hasn’t even hit me yet. We’re having a doggy play date next week to make sure our dogs get along. I will be having a chat with Jack about how important this is to mommy and how he better not fuck it up.

Taylor Swift tickets came in the mail today. YAY! The price on the ticket? $28. How much did I pay for one ticket to her sold out concert? $115… Next time tickets go on sale for a concert I have to go to, remind me not to go out day drinking until I’ve bought my fucking ticket.

I had an interesting chat with C the other night about relationships. He said he thinks it should be an accepted practice to have more than one girlfriend at a time. I thought that was ridiculous; how on earth would you be able to divide your time? Wouldn’t you just naturally favor one girl over the other? He said maybe… but then you’d just hang out more often with the one you liked more. I thought I had him when I asked if the girlfriends could also have other boyfriends. But he said sure why not?

I pouted for a second. “Well what if she doesn’t want anyone but you?” I asked.

“Then I guess that’s a choice she’ll have to make. I’m sick of all the jealousy. Why can’t everyone just get along?” He said.

“Because,” I pointed out, “when I actually find someone that I feel is worthy of a lot of my time and I actually want to spend time with them, I don’t want to share them. But that’s why I don’t want a boyfriend… it’s too much to worry about. Like, who says that we have to hang out every day? I don’t want to see anyone on an everyday basis except for my dog. I don’t wanna worry about someone getting their feelings hurt if I don’t call. Who says you have to call everyday? Like if we don’t talk for 24 hours it means somethings wrong. That’s ridiculous.”

C: That’s why I think everyone should have a real relationship talk before they get serious. Too many people feel like they have to change when they’re officially with someone.

Me: Ughhh I hate relationship talks. I avoid them like the plague. They’re so lame.

C: No this wouldn’t be like that. It wouldn’t be like “are we official?” it would be more real. Like you’d talk about your expectations and how much you expect to be hanging out and how often or not often you expect to be called. Just lay it all out there so that no one has unrealistic expectations of you.

Me: That actually makes sense. It would sound ridiculous in a real life setting though… imagine I’ve been dating a guy for 3 weeks and I say…

“We need to talk. Listen, I like you. I really do. I hope we can continue to date and hang out for an undetermined amount of time that will be based on how my feelings for you develop. I just wanted to get some things out in the open to make everything easier on both of us. I will not be calling you everyday. I hope you will interpret that to mean that you also should not be calling me everyday. It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s just that I don’t ever want to feel like I have to call someone. And I wouldn’t want you to feel that way either. I don’t need you to tell me goodnight and that you love me. That’s kind of lame. I have my mom for that. Also… we’ve been hanging out about 1 to 3 nights a week so far. For me, that’s plenty of “us time”. I just don’t want you to expect me to change my schedule to accommodate a growing new relationship. Why go changing something that’s perfect the way it is? I see no reason. We don’t need to become needy or co-dependant. I fully expect you to keep doing what you do and I’ll do the same. You don’t even have to tell me everything: I really don’t care or need to know! I sincerely feel like this is the best approach and I hope you feel the same. I feel much better now. Good talk.”

We both laughed our asses off and C agreed that it would be a hilarious relationship talk that might not end the way you had planned. But I also agreed with him that it’s probably a necessary talk and I might be trying it out in the future. I will def let you know when.

It’s Friday… and I’m outta here =)

YAY & Fuckin A

YAY

I ordered awesome shorts from Chris Cooley’s Blog shop the other day (Chris Cooley=Redskins Tight End) and it got shipped asap b/c they are already in my possession. I’ve been wanting them for a while but held off b/c I bought the identicle sweatpants and couldn’t justify purchasing the same thing only shorter. But then I saw he was having a spring sale so I got them 15% off; which isn’t a lot but still… it matters. I paid $17 for them. I opened the package last night and had a mini freak out sesh by myself in the kitchen… Chris Cooley signed my shorts. He signed my fucking shorts. This is a big deal to me. I bought a hat from him knowing it came signed but this was like icing on the cupcake; it was totally unexpected. It made my whole week. Chris Cooley, at some time, somewhere, was touching my shorts long enough to sign them.

I am so gay and I don’t even care. I pranced around my room in them looking in all 5 of my mirrors; 2 of them full length, one of them big enough to basically be a full length, for at least 20 minutes. Then I had a big debate with myself over whether I was going to cherish them and never ever wash them or if I was going to wear them to bed (getting dog hair all over them b/c my dog sleeps with me), throw them in the hamper and wash them b/c they smell like dog and nightmare sweat. I didn’t come to a complete conclusion but I did sleep in them. They were so soft I couldn’t help it. It’s not complete b/c I haven’t thrown them in the hamper yet. I’m nervous his name will fade if I wash them. The shorts are on my bed. I’ll probably wear them again tonight if I make it home to sleep in my own bed. I also might cut them to make them shorter (I’m a fan of booty shorts) and honestly they need to be washed b/c they need to shrink some. Wearing them just made them get bigger. UGH I just really really hope the signature doesn’t fade. Oh well, maybe I’ll meet him one day and I’ll magically be wearing the shorts and he’ll sign them again. Yeaaahhh. Check it out.

Shorts front

Heart him

Shorts back-- Love it

Fuckin A

I took my car in to Landrover to get a scheduled service. It was time. I also told the guy that someone must have side-swiped me in a parking lot b/c the passenger side light cover had broken off and there was a scratch down that side of my car. Obviously that’s not what really happened… What had happened was I was driving to a friends house with Juicy and another friend after the Redskins vs. Eagles game (that we attended) months ago and wanted to take a short cut so I turned down a neighborhood road with really big houses on it (ohhhh prettttyy) but then I realized (while ahem, a little intoxicated) that cars were parked on both sides of the street and the road opening ahead was getting smaller and smaller and I didn’t think I was gonna make it but Juicy said I def could so I floored it and side-swiped some poor chaps car… 5 seconds later thinking aloud “Was that my car? Did I hit something?” and being told “NOoooooo no def not just keep driving” by Juicy and friend. We didn’t go back. My car had minimal damage (thank you SUV) and I’m pretty sure the compact car is missing a side mirror to say the least. Anyways, so my light cover is gone and I want a new one.

I also need a new hitch cover b/c mine mysteriously disappeared. Oh AND my air suspension isn’t working and that’s really important b/c without it I can’t take GiGi rock climbing and stuff (b/c I do that alll the time). Also my all-terrain knob isn’t working so I can’t take her confidently in sand, snow, ice, mud, etc. Those are also things I do alll the time. So as you can see, these things need to be fixed asap! What’s the point in having a bad ass truck if it can’t perform the way it was built to perform?!?

I just got a call from Landrover. Evidently it’s been a whole year since I’ve changed my oil. Nice one me, really good job staying on top of things. He said due to the lack of oil changing my engine needs to be flushed and it also needs an injector service and inductor service in order to run to it’s full potential. I’m all about having GiGi run to her full potential. What I’m not about is spending hundreds of dollars to make that happen. It’s just not feasible. So I asked the cost of these “necessary services”…

Engine Flush: $180.54

Injector Service: $188.64

Induction/ductor whatever service: $204.55

I’m sorry but that’s a bit more than I was expecting to pay today. Do you offer these services for free??… No… not really. I opted out of the second two services even though it hurt my heart to do that to GiGi. Even without injection and induction (whatever that means) my total is still $676 and some change. Enough to put my concert ticket purchasing on hold and my life in perspective. I guess this means no new apartment for me this month. Fuckin A man.

April Fools… And I Fell For It

In the midst of everything that’s been going on right now I totally forgot that today is April 1st. AKA April Fools Day. I mean, I knew it was the first of April but who does April Fools pranks anymore?!? I didn’t even think about a possible prank at work, home, happy hour, or anywhere for that matter. I haven’t pulled an April Fools prank since… since… I’m thinking elementary school. I guess in the corporate world, where life just sucks a bunch of ass, employees get bored. Employees are constantly bored (I know b/c I am one of them) and some of them look for reasons/excuses (like April Fools Day) to make a funny. All in good fun. Good for a laugh or two in a day full of ‘business as usual’.

Not so fast. I know the world doesn’t revolve around me (logically… I guess) but I felt like this joke was a personal attack ( I always think that. And I always think people are talking about me). Needless to say… I didn’t laugh. I mentally freaked out; then I verbally freaked out on the prankster. April Fools bitch. I know where you sleep at night.

Mr. Funny Man?? MY OWN BROTHER. The Joke?? Well… I got to work, booted up my computer (previously open tabs loaded) and then got down to actual business. I’ve been working since I got here; which actually hasn’t been that long, but still… you get the point. I ignored my computer while working. A big step for me.

30 minutes ago I get a facebook notification on my blackberry saying BFF tagged 4 pictures of me. Naturally, I wanted to see if these pictures were flattering or um… the complete opposite (picture me drunked up either dancing like Cameron Diaz or making awful kissy faces that at the time I thought oozed sexuality). So I go to my facebook tab. It reads Error. I reload… and this is what I see…

• *** WARNING-YOU HAVE ATTEMPTED TO ACCESS AN UNAUTHORIZED WEBSITE INAPPROPRIATE FOR WORK. THE CONTENT OF THIS WEBSITE COULD BE POTENTIALLY HARMFUL TO THE COMPUTER NETWORK. YOUR IP ADDRESS HAS ALREADY BEEN RECORDED AND FORWARDED TO UPPER LEVEL MANAGEMENT. PLEASE SEE [THE BIG BOSS] IMMEDIATELY TO REVIEW THE APPROPRITATE USE OF COMPANY PROPERTY AND THE PROFESSIONAL CODE OF CONDUCT****

I’ve since learned that other people in the office were freaking out and didn’t know if they should go see the boss man or not. But I’m the bosses daughter; so when I said earlier that I freaked out, I really meant that I got really really pissed. I wanted to see the posted pictures. I start scouring google to find out how to get around the facebook block. Seriously. All while cursing my dad and our IT guy. I’m smart enough to know that downloading free shit to get around websites without knowing what I’m doing could give me nasty viruses but one person (on yahoo answers) said to try Internet Explorer if you’re currently using Mozilla. I thought that made sense. Maybe they had overlooked Internet Explorer. I open up IE, type in facebook.com, and I see this…

FROM: [BROTHER'S NAME]

I’m officially fuming. I begin planning my attack on this so-called brother of mine. 5 Minutes later my brother walks in my office and just by the look on my face starts laughing his ass off. I am not amused. He’s ecstatic. I’m about to pounce and rip him to shreds.

Me: “ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?”

Brother: “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

Me: “IS THIS PERMANENT!?!?!”

Brother: “AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA OMG OMG AHAHAHAHA”

Me: “THIS IS NOT FUNNY! I HAVE TO SEE IF BFF POSTED UNBECOMING PHOTOS OF ME!”

Brother: “Alright Jeeeeez calm down.”

Me: “Did YOU do this?!?”

Brother: “Of course I did.”

Me: “How did you know how to do that?”

Brother: “I know everything.”

Me: (snort) “Riggghhtt… Did the IT guy help you?”

Brother: “Yeah.”

Me: “FIX IT.”

Brother: “Ok, ok it was just a joke.”

Me: “Well, it wasn’t funny.”

Brother: “You shoulda seen your face.”

Me: “I see my face all the time. Go. Now. Fix it. I’m gonna hurt you.”

Brother: (mocking me) “Oh nooo what am I gonna dooo??? I need my facebook!”

Me: “Seriously… Lots of pain.”

He fixed it. Facebook is now up and running. And I guess it was a little funny. At least my brother is very pleased with his prank; “LEGEN (wait for it) DARY” as his gchat away message reads. Great. I’ll never live this one down. Happy April Fools Day Everyone! Any good pranks at your office?