MIB: Missing In Blogland

Dear Blog,

I’ve been neglecting you, I know, and I’m sorry. I’ve just been so busy lately. Life, unfortunately, is no day at the beach (except for when I’m actually, ya know… at the beach). I miss you though; I really do. I think about you more often than you probably know. I hate to say it but, with the Capitals playing tonight and all, I probably wont be able to blog until tomorrow at the earliest; unless of course I get an intense urge to blog under the influence.

Please don’t be mad at me! I feel awful about it. I have all these stories and ideas that are just begging to be written about and honestly it’s been quite stressful for me; not being able to blog whenever I want. I know what you’re thinking… “Hockey!?! What the…!?! You’re putting hockey before ME!?! Guurrrlll you better get your priorities straight!! Since when are you a hockey fan anyways??!” Since Monday actually. I don’t expect you to understand. How could you? I’ve never written about hockey before. Hear me out. On Monday I watched the Capitals destroy the Rangers in their quest for the Stanley Cup. It was in-fucking-credible. It’s non-stop action. NON-FUCKING-STOP!!

You know how much I love football… well, this was like football on ice (although obviously totally different; that’s just what I equate it to). I’ve found my favorite football off-season sport. Before Monday I didn’t really care about any sport other than football; now I feel like I’ve found a home with hockey. If you really loved or cared about me at all you’d be happy for me. I honestly believe you’re gonna love hockey too once you learn a little more about it. Just listen, I swear you’ll be glad you did…

When a player gets a penalty they have to sit out on the bench for 2 minutes; leaving their team with only 4 players on the ice instead of the normal 5 (besides the goalie). This is called a power play for the opposing team: They have the obvious advantage for 2 minutes playing 5 on 4 hockey. There’s never even a real pause in the game! You know how in football the refs blow the whistle all the time and the game stops so the teams can regroup or make substitutions? I’m sure I’ve told you about that. Well, not in hockey! The whistle hardly ever blows! Players literally jump on and off the ice from the bench making pauses almost obsolete! And that’s not all; not even close. During a power play, the remaining players can still get penalties. When that happens, the penalized player gets sent to the penalty box making the game even more exciting! Then instead of 5 on 4 hockey it turns into 5 on 3 hockey or 4 on 4 depending on which team the penalized player is on.

Sometimes, after a few penalties, the power plays can get hard to keep track of! For example: Penalty called on a Rangers player= Capitals power play for 2 minutes… then 30 seconds later a penalty is called on a Caps player and he’s sent to the penalty box= 4 on 4 hockey for the remaining minute and 3o seconds of the first power play. Then the initially penalized Rangers player is freed and they jump back on the ice= 5 on 4 hockey and the Rangers have a power play for another 30 seconds (penalties are always 2 minutes long). Then the Caps player is free and jumps back on the ice= 5 on 5 hockey again. Multiple penalties can be called during power plays; so you can see how this could get hard to keep up with (esp after a few drinks).

And the fighting!!! Oh blog… most sports break up fights as soon as they begin and even fine the players involved sometimes. Not. In. Hockey. Fighting is almost encouraged on the ice!!! Seriously!! Players slam each other against the glass trying to get the puck. Confrontations are common; and fights break out causing complete chaos. Yes, the refs do break it up eventually, but not like in other sports. A fight can erupt and the refs will just stand there and watch it escalate! It’s wicked fucking awesome.

Wanna know what else is wicked awesome? The Capitals are actually really fucking good. And this is the playoffs. We have to win tonight to stay alive; and win we will. We killed the Rangers on Monday, 4-0… on their own ice! Tonight’s a big deal blog. I really hope you understand now. At least try to… for me. I’ll be back before you know it I promise. I can’t wait to tell you what’s been going on in my life the past few days. A lot can happen in a few days! I met a guy, had an incredible drunken heart to heart with bff, discovered the most adorably picturesque town ever not too far from where I live, succumbed (again) to my now-seriously-almost-out-of-control shopping addiction, got to work on time (Whoa… I know) and that’s only a fraction of everything that’s been going on.

I guess that in the time it took me to write this letter I could have written about what’s been going on… but it would have been a half-assed post. I’m just not focused enough (or unfocused enough) to write a blog worthy post right now. I did feel like I needed to explain myself and the reason behind my blogging absence. Please don’t call my mother; we aren’t in grade school anymore. Writing you this letter wasn’t easy for me and I’m hoping that tomorrow we can put all this behind us and blog-on like this short hiatus never even happened. I love you blog. If you had a forehead I’d kiss it right now and if you had hands I would squeeze one of them in a reassuring sort of way. Pretend I just did that. I’ll talk to you tomorrow…

xoxox

<3

Me

Cool(ey) Hump Day News

So it seems I’m not the only one with Mr. Chris Cooley on the brain. Check it out… seriously, watch it. Watch all of it. And get excited. Best part? Either the picture over the mantle in the beginning (seriously who does that? It’s awesome. I’m def gonna have one when I get married) or the part where he talks about being white; priceless.

April Fools… And I Fell For It

In the midst of everything that’s been going on right now I totally forgot that today is April 1st. AKA April Fools Day. I mean, I knew it was the first of April but who does April Fools pranks anymore?!? I didn’t even think about a possible prank at work, home, happy hour, or anywhere for that matter. I haven’t pulled an April Fools prank since… since… I’m thinking elementary school. I guess in the corporate world, where life just sucks a bunch of ass, employees get bored. Employees are constantly bored (I know b/c I am one of them) and some of them look for reasons/excuses (like April Fools Day) to make a funny. All in good fun. Good for a laugh or two in a day full of ‘business as usual’.

Not so fast. I know the world doesn’t revolve around me (logically… I guess) but I felt like this joke was a personal attack ( I always think that. And I always think people are talking about me). Needless to say… I didn’t laugh. I mentally freaked out; then I verbally freaked out on the prankster. April Fools bitch. I know where you sleep at night.

Mr. Funny Man?? MY OWN BROTHER. The Joke?? Well… I got to work, booted up my computer (previously open tabs loaded) and then got down to actual business. I’ve been working since I got here; which actually hasn’t been that long, but still… you get the point. I ignored my computer while working. A big step for me.

30 minutes ago I get a facebook notification on my blackberry saying BFF tagged 4 pictures of me. Naturally, I wanted to see if these pictures were flattering or um… the complete opposite (picture me drunked up either dancing like Cameron Diaz or making awful kissy faces that at the time I thought oozed sexuality). So I go to my facebook tab. It reads Error. I reload… and this is what I see…

• *** WARNING-YOU HAVE ATTEMPTED TO ACCESS AN UNAUTHORIZED WEBSITE INAPPROPRIATE FOR WORK. THE CONTENT OF THIS WEBSITE COULD BE POTENTIALLY HARMFUL TO THE COMPUTER NETWORK. YOUR IP ADDRESS HAS ALREADY BEEN RECORDED AND FORWARDED TO UPPER LEVEL MANAGEMENT. PLEASE SEE [THE BIG BOSS] IMMEDIATELY TO REVIEW THE APPROPRITATE USE OF COMPANY PROPERTY AND THE PROFESSIONAL CODE OF CONDUCT****

I’ve since learned that other people in the office were freaking out and didn’t know if they should go see the boss man or not. But I’m the bosses daughter; so when I said earlier that I freaked out, I really meant that I got really really pissed. I wanted to see the posted pictures. I start scouring google to find out how to get around the facebook block. Seriously. All while cursing my dad and our IT guy. I’m smart enough to know that downloading free shit to get around websites without knowing what I’m doing could give me nasty viruses but one person (on yahoo answers) said to try Internet Explorer if you’re currently using Mozilla. I thought that made sense. Maybe they had overlooked Internet Explorer. I open up IE, type in facebook.com, and I see this…

FROM: [BROTHER'S NAME]

I’m officially fuming. I begin planning my attack on this so-called brother of mine. 5 Minutes later my brother walks in my office and just by the look on my face starts laughing his ass off. I am not amused. He’s ecstatic. I’m about to pounce and rip him to shreds.

Me: “ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?”

Brother: “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA”

Me: “IS THIS PERMANENT!?!?!”

Brother: “AAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA OMG OMG AHAHAHAHA”

Me: “THIS IS NOT FUNNY! I HAVE TO SEE IF BFF POSTED UNBECOMING PHOTOS OF ME!”

Brother: “Alright Jeeeeez calm down.”

Me: “Did YOU do this?!?”

Brother: “Of course I did.”

Me: “How did you know how to do that?”

Brother: “I know everything.”

Me: (snort) “Riggghhtt… Did the IT guy help you?”

Brother: “Yeah.”

Me: “FIX IT.”

Brother: “Ok, ok it was just a joke.”

Me: “Well, it wasn’t funny.”

Brother: “You shoulda seen your face.”

Me: “I see my face all the time. Go. Now. Fix it. I’m gonna hurt you.”

Brother: (mocking me) “Oh nooo what am I gonna dooo??? I need my facebook!”

Me: “Seriously… Lots of pain.”

He fixed it. Facebook is now up and running. And I guess it was a little funny. At least my brother is very pleased with his prank; “LEGEN (wait for it) DARY” as his gchat away message reads. Great. I’ll never live this one down. Happy April Fools Day Everyone! Any good pranks at your office?

Happy Give Something You Love Up Day

Ash Wednesday. No I’m not Catholic, but I usually give something up for lent just because I think it’s a good practice. A self-control exercise. It’s good to give something up for a while to prove that your vices don’t own you.

Problem. I dunno what to give up. In the past I’ve given up all potato products (fries, chips, mashed pots, double baked pots, etc) that was a hard one, I could live on french fries, but I did it. What else… umm I did all desserts one year, that wasn’t as hard as I thought it would be. I gave up sexual practices one year (in high school so it really wasn’t too much to give up). Snacks another year. I forget what else I’ve given up but you get the point.

I’m having a very selfish year. I can think of tons of things to give up but I don’t wanna go 40 days without those things. I think I’m missing the point of lent completely but whatever. Anyone got any ideas?

Hump Day News

I watched the movie Burn After Reading and it was completely awful (worst movie ever) except for the fact that it’s set in DC (I always love that) and Brad Pitt was in it (still hot). So I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. I did learn something from it though. Saying “shit” in reference to “stuff” (or instead of stuff) makes you sound like the biggest idiot ever. Even Brad Pitt is not an exception to this rule. Since I usually try to go against the flow of the retarded masses… I’m trying to stop saying “shit” so much. This is gonna be hard b/c I say it all the time. Seriously. Ok bear with with me. Hump Day News.

I’ve been trying to buckle down and really get stuff done. Phew ok this isn’t so hard.

That said, getting stuff done translates into not a lot of interesting stuff to blog about. I know… it’s awful. But this is what I’ve been up to.

• I cleaned my room. This is huge. I haven’t cleaned my room since I moved back home in April… yeah. I promised my mom for her birthday that I would clean it (details on this later). I had at least 20 baskets full of clothes and random stuff (mail, magazines, stuff from car, Christmas gifts, etc.) and I sorted through all of them and put everything away. I still have 2 huge hampers full of clothes to wash and take to cleaners but you cant build Rome in a day… or something. I also have no where to put these clothes once I wash them because all my closet and drawer space is full. Totally full. I even have a free standing clothing rod that’s full… I have so much stuff. It’s unreal.
• I’ve been getting work done at work. I know. Amazing. Except today… I missed blogging too much.
• I’ve turned over a new leaf to go to bed earlier and get up on time, shower every morning, put on makeup and get to work on time and adorably presentable. This morning was a failure (I went to bed at 2… don’t really know why) and overslept a little so I had to skip the shower and was 30 min. late to work. But I feel like that’s ok b/c it was snowing and people suck at driving in snow. I did manage to pull together a smashing outfit and put on fresh makeup. So not a complete failure. I’ll try again tomorrow.
• I’ve started keeping a to-do list again. Oh how I’ve missed my to-do lists. They kind of suck though b/c every time I look at it I’m reminded that I still have to write Christmas thank you notes. Boo Hiss. I hate thank you notes. Obviously I’m thankful for presents. Who isn’t? Presents are awesome. Thank you notes are bland and boring and end up in the trash. A total waste of cute notes and envelopes in my opinion.
• I shaved my legs (among other things) and thank Jesus, Mary and Joseph I did. It had been at least a month. TMI? I feel like this could be the beginning of a regular shaving regime. Exciting isn’t it? (Twenty-something men around the world rejoice)
• I joined Twitter. I kind of love it. “This is what I’m doing world! If you don’t care you can suck it!”
• I finally figured out how to upload photos from my new camera to my new computer. Sigh of relief. This was a huge stress for me.
• I’m in the process of downloading Photoshop CS4 Extended Edition (like right now) and I’m amped about it. Maybe I can charge it to the company?? Is that ethical?
• I’m relearning French. 7 years of French classes should be a good base wouldn’t you say?

That’s it really. The other stuff is really boring so I’ll spare you. Don’t be disappointed I’ll pep it up soon =P

Au revoir pour maintenant!

The Article That’s Ruining My Life

ADD can suck a big one. Once I finally get to work in the morning and finish eating my breakfast I 1. take my ADD medicine, 2. hear my co-workers start talking about what to eat for lunch (I’m not a morning person) and 3. wait for the meds to kick in.

25 minutes later, the Adderall has definitely kicked in. Unfortunately it never seems to do what it’s supposed to do. It’s supposed to help me focus and work. Well, it does help me focus, just not on work. I find myself focused on anything but work or very focused on the fact that I have a LOT of work to do. But it never actually helps me start, work on or finish any work. This is the most stressful pattern I have ever been in.

I was in Orlando last week for a clients business conference. I was not just there to observe and attend meetings. My assignment was to interview a bunch of people and write an article for the clients magazine. First off, I am not a reporter. That’s not in my job description. My dad (aka the wonderful man with really high expectations who would do anything to see his daughter happy. Happy meaning wildly successful of course) thought that this conference would be a great learning experience for me. A chance to broaden my horizons.

Well Shit balls.

I may have interviewed 4 people total. 2 of these people gave me relevant information for my article. It’s due on Friday…. this is Wednesday. My boss wants to read it tomorrow to start editing. Fuck. I have yet to start writing this God forsaken article. However, I have broken out with an amazing case of zit face from the stress of this stupid stupid article.

I knew this was going to happen. When you go on a business trip to interview people for a magazine article, it’s usually a good idea to bring paper (which I didn’t and had to bum a ride to Walgreen’s at midnight for a notepad).  I wish I could just say Fuck you All I quit! But I can’t, because God (and my dad) know I need this job. God also knows that I need to move out of my parents home, but I don’t see him (or my dad) helping with that.

So my ADD mind thought, “Hey I have an idea, listen up hO! Instead of writing your article, why don’t you blog about it?! How smart am I?!?” Thanks ADD brain, remind me to numb you later with drugs that I tell myself are harmless.

Just because you’re famous doesn’t mean you’re cooler than me

So there’s this feeling in the pit of my stomach and it wont go away. I’m sure you’ve had it before too: There’s this guy… and I guess this isn’t just any normal situation b/c I’m just a normal person and I mean so is he… except that he’s kind of a celebrity. Not in the Hollywood kinda way. But anyways, I wouldn’t go so far to say that he’s a lot cooler than me (b/c I think I am the shit) but I could find hundreds of thousands of people who would DEFinitely say he’s a lot cooler than me. I wouldn’t even have to look for these people. If you knew who it was you’d say it too. So, we’ve hung out a couple times, he’s awesome. really awesome. We’ve hooked up, and that was just wow. Even he said it was wow. So that’s all great… Except for the fact that I have zero control over the entire situation. And that is what’s driving me crazy and giving me this feeling. That AND the fact that now I kind of like him which is AWFUL b/c I’m almost 100% positive that I’m nothing to him. But back to zero control… being the girl, I expect the guy to be the one to call ,text, etc. Never gonna happen with this one, never ever ever. So I am stuck with the task of deciding exactly how much texting is too much texting. This is very difficult. I do NOT want to become a creeper. Or a groupie or something, ughh yuck! The worst part is half the time he answers, half the time he doesn’t.

Do I sound Pathetic??? BC I FEEL IT. But I cant give up. I know I should or I’m going to become “that girl” and I think he might even have a long-distance girlfriend but… I cant.

Damn I just read everything I wrote. This is really bad. Bad bad bad. Comments on what to do??? I already feel like ‘that girl’. Except I’m stupider than ‘that girl’ b/c I actually went and sorta fell for him. Shit dammit all to hell piss fuckin swell.

On that note I’m leaving work. And I’m not going to text him. I was thinking about it (to apologize for the ridiculous text I sent him last night at 9 PM after getting wasted at happy hour with my girlfriends- It went a little something like “Lets hang out naked again”- In fact that’s exactly what it said. I should not be allowed a cell phone after 6 PM. My parents would be so proud) but then I decided it’s not even worth bringing up again… Except for my blog of course. Sadly I’m sure he gets lots of texts from girls that sound like that… I will never forgive my friends for telling me that it was a great idea and no I didn’t sound like a whore. Lying ass bitches. Still ultimately my fault though. What have I gotten myself into y’all?