Input Needed!!!

Help me Help me Help me!!! It’s my new blog site. I think I finally found a theme I love and I want your input. CHECK OUT MY NEW BLOG PULEASE

Ok. I’m obviously not really posting stuff there yet but I realllly wanna start asap. But I really wanted y’alls opinion first. Yay. I’m nervous and excited. Ok gotta go get ready and go out! Have an awesome weekend!!!!

Umm.. OK…?

Strange. I haven’t really written anything interesting in weeks but my stat table shot up today… Now here I am (again) wishing I had google analytics so I would know what the reason was. Damn you simple wordpress blog, damn you.

Highly related; I took a personal day yesterday. I wasn’t planning on doing this but for some reason I pulled an all-nighter and didn’t go to bed till 7:30 am.  Consequently I got 3 hours of sleep (on the couch) and when I woke up I didn’t really feel like moving, at all. So I didn’t move. That’s not true, I went to the bathroom a few times and let the dogs out and might have gotten some food from the kitchen; but I didn’t move much. Mom was not too thrilled about this but I assured her (in a loud voice that could be confused with screaming) that while I may not be at work, I am still working. Obviously that’s a lie. I was extremely productive though.

The all-nighter is actually a little embarrassing. No, I wasn’t out partying it up. I wasn’t drinking or smoking or taking speed or lines or anything (those last two I don’t actually ever do).  I was… I was… sigh, ok, somehow I got extremely motivated (I wish I knew the source of the motivation so I could bottle it and spray it on whenever I need it) and around 10 pm I started working on my new website I was talking about a week or two ago. I looked at the clock at 12:40 am and told myself that at 1 am I was going to bed. Didn’t happen. I got fucking addicted to finishing the site. Pathetic. The next time I looked at the clock only b/c I could hear birds chirping and thought that was strange: It was 5:30 am. Dagger. The whole night flew by. Going to bed at 5:30 am seemed like a lost cause so I gave up on sleep and focused on working. Around 7:30 am my body demanded sleep and my brain was rebelling (it was already thinking about the work day ahead and was not excited about it).

I put my head on the pillow and closed my eyes. Literally 2 minutes later my mom walked in the family room where I had just laid down. Shit. Do normal people really wake up this early? I pretended I had been asleep for hours on the couch. She was loud as fuck doing dishes in the kitchen but I still managed to pass the fuck out fast. In the small amount of non-REM sleep I got I had a dream that basically haunted me all day. Thank you brain. Stupid bitch (my brain’s a female, like myself. Duh). Details shortly.

I woke up thinking I was going to go to work but then the whole “I don’t wanna move” mood hit me so I picked up my computer and yup, I got back to work. All day I worked on that fucking site. Making a website is not easy. It was kinda fun though. Especially when things started to fall into place. It was easier to do during the day; the night before I had taken a few xanax to go to bed (didn’t work) so I was beginning my website building journey under the influence. It made it much less stressful but ultimately backfired. I would finally figure out how to set up a database and rejoice (congratulations! You now have a database!) only to be directed to the admin login page and… umm (think think think)… what the fuck is my user name and password!??!?  Ughhhh why is this happening to me!??!! My face falls. I can’t remember my info. Why didn’t I write that shit down? Curse you brain. — Anyways… things like that… happening all night long. Yes, daytime is def the best time to do work. Trust me.

The site is up and running but I want it to be perfect and it’s not yet, so I’ll letcha know when I’m totally done and give y’all a link! I’m so excited!! I feel uber smart and accomplished. As well as exhausted.

The dream was about the ex; which really threw me off my game (or whatever I’m usually on) for the day. I haven’t had a dream about him or even with him in it since… since… I have no idea. Since last year maybe? Where did that come from!?!? It wasn’t very interesting except that we were at his parents house and it was a castle and his mom was being really cool towards me (she’s a huge bitch in real life. Huge. Bitch). Things we fine. We weren’t together in my dream (together meaning relationship). I remember wondering what the fuck I was doing at his parents castle and that I didn’t really wanna see him at all but didn’t know what to do. Then there he was (looking chunky btw. HA) and we caught up on life and things were not bad. The dream isn’t the story really. The story is what happened while I was telling BFF about my dream on our way to HH that evening. It’s a very short story.

My blackberry vibrates. I have a facebook notification. I read it and momentarily choke on my tongue and had it been my old car I would have thrown my phone at the windshield; not to GiGi though. Never at GiGi. The ex has sent me a friend request. AGAIN. THAT’S THE 3RD OR 4TH FRIEND REQUEST IN LESS THAN A YEAR PEOPLE. IGNORE. IGNORE. IGNORE. Can you NOT take a hint?!?!?!? Have you no pride?!?!

I was spooked the rest of the night thinking the ex has ESP and knew I had a dream about him. I mean… that is a little weird right? Coincidental? Definitely. Creepy? Totally. Pathetic? Ohhhhh yeah.

Off to a MLB game now =). HURRAY for the weekend!!!!!

New Fav Word & Website: Snoburbia

So there’s this website that sells really incredible t-shirts. It’s called Snoburbia. Their slogan is Snoburbia, t-shirts for the overclass.

I came across it going through google reader this afternoon. ShirtSnob wrote a little ditty about it. I was curious to see the other t-shirts so I checked out the site.

GO CHECK OUT SNOBURBIA NOW! Or, of course, after you read the rest of this post.

As I’m looking through the t-shirt designs I start to get really really excited: A good number of the t-shirts are geared toward… LA? Nope. NY? Uh Uh. Your town? Not unless you live where I live; in the super fantastic Snoburbs of Washington, DC!

I do a little “my city/suburb is so fucking radical” dance in my chair. I click on the Snoburbs tee to pick my suburb and order a shirt. I open the tab with the suburbs choices… pause… re-check… pause… think Pooh think! Where is it??!? I refresh the page. My suburb is still a no-show. I’m mildly upset and very confused. I decide I’m gonna write them a letter (e-mail, same thing). So I do.

(I didn’t actually write the opening line in my email, but I think it’s a good opening line (it’s in black). The rest of the email (in blue) is exactly as I wrote it.) Oh and DMV= the District, Maryland & Virginia. We have cool codes here

To whom it may concern,

I just found your site and I love it!! I was looking at your “suburbia” or “snoburbia” T’s and don’t understand why you chose almost all Maryland suburbs. Everyone knows the VA side of DC is way better and Alexandria and Arlington are hardly where the snobs live. The point of this email: I am in desperate need of a “McLean” t-shirt. In Desperate Need.

I also think that you’d sell a ton of McLean t-shirts, since I’m obviously not the only person that lives here. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to tell you what to do or how to run your business. Not even close. I’m just throwing out suggestions that I think would be profitable. Do I have other suggestions? I’m so glad you asked! I do! 1) Great Falls. I was totally surprised that this suburb wasn’t already on the list. I mean, it’s like the snobbiest of the snobby. Seriously. Great Fallsians (made up word) think they are God’s gift to the DMV. 2) Langley. I’m aware that Langley isn’t exactly a suburb (no post office) but they do have a snobby ass high school (full of Great Falls “gifts”). They also have the CIA. I’d buy a Langley shirt as well as a McLean shirt. Technically (or non-technically since it’s not a real place) I live in both.

And what about tank tops? Like wife-beaters and spaghetti strap tanks? Are you gonna start selling any of those anytime soon? Because that would be great.

Okay, that’s all. Thanks for listening! I really really hope to see these snoburbs soon!!!! A+ on your website though; such a great idea. The OBX and SUV shirts are just incredible. I wish I could buy an OBX: Obnoxious bumper sticker and replace the normal OBX one I have now. Possibly in the future of snoburbia???? Again, just an idea.

Sincerely,

Me (obviously I wrote my real name)

To my surprise, they responded within the hour. Yeah. How’s that for awesome customer service? I even got a personalized, semi-lengthy email filled with wit and smiley’s and everything. I was impressed. Here’s what they wrote…

Hi (Me) -

While I disagree with your general premise : ), I think you are right that I need to offer more Va. snoburbs. I chose Arlington and Alexandria because they are more populous, but I have been getting some requests for McLean and Great Falls. So I’ll add them to the site – probably in the next week or two - and send you an email when they are added.

I will be adding hoodies, long-sleeve shirts and messenger bags in the future, but not in the next few months. Thanx for your input about tanks – I will certainly think about that. Also thanx for the OBX bumper sticker – I had considered it, but may rethink it.

I will also, begrudgingly, add a Virginia > Maryland version of my Md. > Va. tee… : )  I will also probably add a Michigan/Ohio and Louisiana/Texas series.

Also, as you love [italics!] my site, I hope you’ll send the link to a few friends, or tell your local newspaper or magazine about it or “become a fan” of snoburbia.com on Facebook! We’re brand new and really need the exposure. Bethesda Magazine is featuring us in its July/Aug issue, but I can’t seem to crack the Washington Post!

Thanx for your nice remarks. I’ll be in touch soon!!

Lydia

http://snoburbia.com – t-shirts for the overclass

It may be the best email exchange I’ve ever had. I guess I can overlook the fact that she’s obviously from Maryland. She is, after all, making the t-shirt I wanted and even one I didn’t ask for but will totally buy. VA is so much better than MD. I cant wait! I also adore the fact that she slightly poked fun of my abundant italics use. It’s true, I do love italics. And she said begrudgingly… I freagin love that word. What a great job she has; I’m jealous. I may have to look into working for them. You should go look into the t-shirts though. They also have a Blog you should check out. I’m checking it out right now. =)

God Is Just A Friend Request Away

God. The Almighty. The Alpha & The Omega. The Holy One. The Holy Spirit. The Holy Ghost. The One & Only. Some people live their lives in a never ending quest to find God. Some people are skeptical of his existence. Some people pray hoping for some sort of answer to their prayers. But almost everyone I know, even if they are agnostic or atheist, is curious. If they don’t believe in God it’s because they are the type of people who need hard evidence and have found none (or not enough) to support the theory of the Bible. (I say theory in italics b/c I totally believe, so it’s not a theory to me; it’s a fact.) Well, oh ye unbelieving ones, God is real. He’s as real as you and me (if you are, in fact, real people). Some say God isn’t present in the God-forsaken, technology reliant, promiscuous society we live in today… You. Would. Be. Wrong. How do I know? I’ll tell you.

I signed into Facebook today, read a few new messages and then went back to my homepage when, low and behold, under my “suggestions” box on the right side of my screen, this is what I see…

God
16 friends are fans
Become a Fan

I laugh at first, naturally. Then I’m a bit intrigued. I click on the page link. I am taken directly to God’s homepage. “God’s what??” God’s homepage; his very own Facebook page that looks basically like yours or mine would look but not as fancy. I think the reason it’s so basic is because, ya know, God’s a busy guy and probably doesn’t have time to add cool boxes and update his info all the time. Understandable.

Under God’s “Recent Activity” there is one lonely line that reads, “God Joined Facebook”. Sigh, I guess it is true: Everyone jumps on the Facebook bandwagon eventually. So far he’s pretty popular as far as Facebook goes; he has almost a million fans. In the grand scheme of things this doesn’t really seem like a lot when you consider how many people are on Facebook all over the world that believe in God, but I’m sure this number will grow as people discover that He’s on Facebook. I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty curious to see how many fans He will ultimately get. All joking aside, I’m also curious what He thinks of all this. Is it a pro or a con? Hypothetical situation: I die tomorrow (knock on wood) and go to Heaven. As I near the pearly gates I see God in all his glory and contemplate how much the gold paved road would cost on earth. I get to the gates. God looks at me and asks me what I’ve done to spread his Word.

“Well…” I’ll say, “I became a fan of yours on Facebook yesterday and, not to brag but I have 1,076 Facebook friends, so I’d say that “Heather became a fan of God” showed up in all of their suggestion boxes. That counts as spreading your Word, right? And through six degrees of separation I’d guess that at least a few more thousand people saw that I was a fan of yours as well. Did you know that you already have 983′818 fans?!? I don’t know when exactly (or how for that matter) you joined Facebook but… you sure are a popular fellow. You go God!”

Would that gain me entry into Heaven? What if I don’t become a fan of God on Facebook? Would that get me a one-way ticket straight to Hell? Does God even really want to be on Facebook? It all seems a bit ridiculous to me. Almost sacrilegious. What do you think? Are you going to become a Facebook fan of God?

On A Lighter Note

I’m the luckiest bitch in the world. Pancey’s boyfriend freaked on her last week, dumped her, took most of his shit and dipped out. It was sudden to everyone on the outside but Pancey said she pretty much saw it coming and wont be taking him back, ever. So that’s kinda sad. Good news for me though. Pancey now needs a roommate. She lives in a gorgeous 3 bedroom townhouse near where Juicy lives. Adorable neighborhood, fenced in back yard and best of all, her grandmother owns it. Her grandmother must be clueless as to what normal rent prices around here are b/c she’s been giving Pancey the sweetest deal in the whole world. What’s my rent gonna be for a three story townhouse with a spare bedroom? $500. What would that normally cost? I honestly don’t even know b/c it’s so out of my price range I never looked but def way over $1000… I’m thinking closer to $2000. I’m so happy it hasn’t even hit me yet. We’re having a doggy play date next week to make sure our dogs get along. I will be having a chat with Jack about how important this is to mommy and how he better not fuck it up.

Taylor Swift tickets came in the mail today. YAY! The price on the ticket? $28. How much did I pay for one ticket to her sold out concert? $115… Next time tickets go on sale for a concert I have to go to, remind me not to go out day drinking until I’ve bought my fucking ticket.

I had an interesting chat with C the other night about relationships. He said he thinks it should be an accepted practice to have more than one girlfriend at a time. I thought that was ridiculous; how on earth would you be able to divide your time? Wouldn’t you just naturally favor one girl over the other? He said maybe… but then you’d just hang out more often with the one you liked more. I thought I had him when I asked if the girlfriends could also have other boyfriends. But he said sure why not?

I pouted for a second. “Well what if she doesn’t want anyone but you?” I asked.

“Then I guess that’s a choice she’ll have to make. I’m sick of all the jealousy. Why can’t everyone just get along?” He said.

“Because,” I pointed out, “when I actually find someone that I feel is worthy of a lot of my time and I actually want to spend time with them, I don’t want to share them. But that’s why I don’t want a boyfriend… it’s too much to worry about. Like, who says that we have to hang out every day? I don’t want to see anyone on an everyday basis except for my dog. I don’t wanna worry about someone getting their feelings hurt if I don’t call. Who says you have to call everyday? Like if we don’t talk for 24 hours it means somethings wrong. That’s ridiculous.”

C: That’s why I think everyone should have a real relationship talk before they get serious. Too many people feel like they have to change when they’re officially with someone.

Me: Ughhh I hate relationship talks. I avoid them like the plague. They’re so lame.

C: No this wouldn’t be like that. It wouldn’t be like “are we official?” it would be more real. Like you’d talk about your expectations and how much you expect to be hanging out and how often or not often you expect to be called. Just lay it all out there so that no one has unrealistic expectations of you.

Me: That actually makes sense. It would sound ridiculous in a real life setting though… imagine I’ve been dating a guy for 3 weeks and I say…

“We need to talk. Listen, I like you. I really do. I hope we can continue to date and hang out for an undetermined amount of time that will be based on how my feelings for you develop. I just wanted to get some things out in the open to make everything easier on both of us. I will not be calling you everyday. I hope you will interpret that to mean that you also should not be calling me everyday. It’s not that I don’t like you, it’s just that I don’t ever want to feel like I have to call someone. And I wouldn’t want you to feel that way either. I don’t need you to tell me goodnight and that you love me. That’s kind of lame. I have my mom for that. Also… we’ve been hanging out about 1 to 3 nights a week so far. For me, that’s plenty of “us time”. I just don’t want you to expect me to change my schedule to accommodate a growing new relationship. Why go changing something that’s perfect the way it is? I see no reason. We don’t need to become needy or co-dependant. I fully expect you to keep doing what you do and I’ll do the same. You don’t even have to tell me everything: I really don’t care or need to know! I sincerely feel like this is the best approach and I hope you feel the same. I feel much better now. Good talk.”

We both laughed our asses off and C agreed that it would be a hilarious relationship talk that might not end the way you had planned. But I also agreed with him that it’s probably a necessary talk and I might be trying it out in the future. I will def let you know when.

It’s Friday… and I’m outta here =)

YAY & Fuckin A

YAY

I ordered awesome shorts from Chris Cooley’s Blog shop the other day (Chris Cooley=Redskins Tight End) and it got shipped asap b/c they are already in my possession. I’ve been wanting them for a while but held off b/c I bought the identicle sweatpants and couldn’t justify purchasing the same thing only shorter. But then I saw he was having a spring sale so I got them 15% off; which isn’t a lot but still… it matters. I paid $17 for them. I opened the package last night and had a mini freak out sesh by myself in the kitchen… Chris Cooley signed my shorts. He signed my fucking shorts. This is a big deal to me. I bought a hat from him knowing it came signed but this was like icing on the cupcake; it was totally unexpected. It made my whole week. Chris Cooley, at some time, somewhere, was touching my shorts long enough to sign them.

I am so gay and I don’t even care. I pranced around my room in them looking in all 5 of my mirrors; 2 of them full length, one of them big enough to basically be a full length, for at least 20 minutes. Then I had a big debate with myself over whether I was going to cherish them and never ever wash them or if I was going to wear them to bed (getting dog hair all over them b/c my dog sleeps with me), throw them in the hamper and wash them b/c they smell like dog and nightmare sweat. I didn’t come to a complete conclusion but I did sleep in them. They were so soft I couldn’t help it. It’s not complete b/c I haven’t thrown them in the hamper yet. I’m nervous his name will fade if I wash them. The shorts are on my bed. I’ll probably wear them again tonight if I make it home to sleep in my own bed. I also might cut them to make them shorter (I’m a fan of booty shorts) and honestly they need to be washed b/c they need to shrink some. Wearing them just made them get bigger. UGH I just really really hope the signature doesn’t fade. Oh well, maybe I’ll meet him one day and I’ll magically be wearing the shorts and he’ll sign them again. Yeaaahhh. Check it out.

Shorts front

Heart him

Shorts back-- Love it

Fuckin A

I took my car in to Landrover to get a scheduled service. It was time. I also told the guy that someone must have side-swiped me in a parking lot b/c the passenger side light cover had broken off and there was a scratch down that side of my car. Obviously that’s not what really happened… What had happened was I was driving to a friends house with Juicy and another friend after the Redskins vs. Eagles game (that we attended) months ago and wanted to take a short cut so I turned down a neighborhood road with really big houses on it (ohhhh prettttyy) but then I realized (while ahem, a little intoxicated) that cars were parked on both sides of the street and the road opening ahead was getting smaller and smaller and I didn’t think I was gonna make it but Juicy said I def could so I floored it and side-swiped some poor chaps car… 5 seconds later thinking aloud “Was that my car? Did I hit something?” and being told “NOoooooo no def not just keep driving” by Juicy and friend. We didn’t go back. My car had minimal damage (thank you SUV) and I’m pretty sure the compact car is missing a side mirror to say the least. Anyways, so my light cover is gone and I want a new one.

I also need a new hitch cover b/c mine mysteriously disappeared. Oh AND my air suspension isn’t working and that’s really important b/c without it I can’t take GiGi rock climbing and stuff (b/c I do that alll the time). Also my all-terrain knob isn’t working so I can’t take her confidently in sand, snow, ice, mud, etc. Those are also things I do alll the time. So as you can see, these things need to be fixed asap! What’s the point in having a bad ass truck if it can’t perform the way it was built to perform?!?

I just got a call from Landrover. Evidently it’s been a whole year since I’ve changed my oil. Nice one me, really good job staying on top of things. He said due to the lack of oil changing my engine needs to be flushed and it also needs an injector service and inductor service in order to run to it’s full potential. I’m all about having GiGi run to her full potential. What I’m not about is spending hundreds of dollars to make that happen. It’s just not feasible. So I asked the cost of these “necessary services”…

Engine Flush: $180.54

Injector Service: $188.64

Induction/ductor whatever service: $204.55

I’m sorry but that’s a bit more than I was expecting to pay today. Do you offer these services for free??… No… not really. I opted out of the second two services even though it hurt my heart to do that to GiGi. Even without injection and induction (whatever that means) my total is still $676 and some change. Enough to put my concert ticket purchasing on hold and my life in perspective. I guess this means no new apartment for me this month. Fuckin A man.

Yo Ho Yo Ho Bitches

Arrrrrrgggggg. That’s pirate for “Gimmie the gold”, it’s also pirate for “Do it or die” as well as “I’m not a very happy pirate right now”. I’m sure there are other translations too. Today, Arrrrrrgggggg means “Pirates still exist so hide your shit”. Check THIS out.

REAL Pirates people! In Greece! Seizing ships and wreaking havoc and stealing precious metals! This is just all so cool to me. I’ve always kinda wanted to be a pirate, or a witch; mostly a witch but a pirate would be really cool too. If only so I could say, “Yo ho bitches. Now walk the plank”. Witches don’t really get to ever say that and it sounds ridiculous in everyday conversation. Trust me, I’ve tried it. It was ridiculous (not in a good way).

On that note: Have a good weekend ARRRRRGGG or I’ll gouge yer eyes out an make yeh walk the plank Arrrgg.

Je Vais Vomir

I’m going to Vom.com people.

My company was a key founder of a French non-profit organization that did really well for a few years. We operated it mostly from here in the US and had a few native Frenchies (that also spoke English, though not very well) on staff to handle translating and stuff like that. Well, the Association took a turn for the worst last year, I’ll blame the economy; but the French now think that we are a bunch of money hungry arrogant Americans looking for a way to exploit the French people and their hard earned money through our “scandalous” association. It’s a long story.

Anyways, the association was put on hold and the French people no longer work here. However, we’re trying to turn it around and get it back up and running. Without the Frenchies here anymore, there’s only one person left in the whole office who is familiar with French. C’est moi (it’s me).

I took 7 years of French so you would think I should be pretty fluent by now… FAUX (false). I can’t speak it for shit. I can, however, read and understand it pretty well. Which has been awesome b/c I’ve been translating emails for a while now and love doing it. I also translated a 10 paragraph article a French reporter/journalist wrote about non-profit organizations. But to translate every word into English, I obviously had help from some nifty online translation sites. Thank God for those.

Now my boss thinks I’m a French genius. (And I’m not gonna tell him otherwise)

We got word today that a French reporter is going to call here to speak with someone regarding the association. So, naturally, my boss told me that I would be the one taking the call.

FML.

Translating written French is one thing. Listening to a native Frenchie over the phone speak a million miles a second using French slang and probably bitching at me about tax receipts and things like that?!?!? THAT’S A WHOLE NOTHER STORY (and yes, I know “nother” isn’t really a word… I think).

So my heart is literally racing at a speed that should burn all the calories I’ve consumed in the last week. I’m not really complaining about that, but it is kind of uncomfortable. I’d be sweating but it’s freezing in here. I hate to typecast but… aren’t Frenchies kinda known for not being the nicest of all people? And kind of impatient? Am I wrong??

Ok… my boss just walked in a few minutes ago while I was writing this post. I. Am. An. Idiot. Je suis un idiot. He told me to stop freaking out and think about what time it is in France. (I had no idea). He said, “7 hour time difference… ahead of us…”

Je suis une petite fille stupide (I am a stupid little girl). It’s like 8:30 PM in France. I doubt their work hours are much different than ours. No one is going to call today. I can breathe. Until Monday that is.

Ok now I feel like I wrote all this for nothing. Oh well. C’est la vie.

Success & then… Big Fail

Good news before bad. Always.

I was chillin at C’s house last night just playin Guitar Hero, watching Lost and eating an entire box of Tagalongs (I also consider that a big fail… but whatever, shit happens. Side note: I don’t even really like Tagalongs), anyways so we both get thirsty and decide to head to the main house for drinks (he lives in his parents back house, it’s pretty bad ass actually). I hadn’t brought a jacket with me so I looked around for something to throw on. And then I saw it. An amazing leather jacket.

If you’ll remember, C has a gf, Gemma. Gemma just started trusting C enough to start leaving her stuff at his place again. Score one for me. Gemma is out of commission for a few days getting a boob job (seriously), so I’ve been hanging out with C. He’s a really good bf. (I hope y’all speak fluent sarcasm like I do.)

So I pick up the leather jacket and it’s my size. I get really excited and put it on. It’s exactly what I’ve been wanting. C is so fucked up (drinking and stufff) that he puts up a pathetic fight and I tell him I’m only gonna wear it to go get drinks and then I’ll take it off. Lies. I’m a liar. A liar with a super rad new leather jacket.

I decided to make it "punk rock" day at the office

I’m also wearing a studded belt and some killer black patent leather heels . I’m the coolest person I know. Oh, and C remembers nothing from last night. I know, it’s too good to be true. I told him to round up all the clothes that wont fit over Gemma’s new fake boobs and give them to me. He said he’d think about it. =)

Now the Bad News.

You all know I live with my parents. They have a 2 car garage which I don’t get to park in. I park in the driveway behind our spare Jeep. The spare Jeep hardly ever gets used unless it’s snowing or icy and then my dad uses it instead of his little Jag. I guess Jags suck in snow. No shit.

So my dad’s been outta town and took the spare Jeep to the airport b/c he’s a snob and wont leave his own car in long term parking. For like a week I’ve had the whole driveway to myself. Meaning I can park however far up to the garage I want b/c dad’s gone and wont be taking his car out. Which is nice since it’s fucking freezing out (most days… not today).

Dad got home last night. Since he travels so much I didn’t even know when he was coming home. I guess he got home really late b/c I was already there. So he just pulled the Jeep up right behind GiGi (my SUV). This morning I was rushing b/c I was late (as always). I threw my laptop in GiGi, jumped in the drivers seat, turned her on (oh yeaahhh baby), put her in reverse (like I always do) and sped backwards into the street, put her in drive and took off for work the spare Jeep. Fuck. My. Life.

I almost threw up envisioning my mom screaming at me for being so retarded and unobservant. I reluctantly got out to asses the damage to my beloved GiGi and our shitty spare that I now hope will just blow up one day while parked on the street preferably in front of someplace I hate.

What I learned in the next 10 seconds:

1. God does exist (I already knew this, but it’s nice to be reaffirmed every once in a while)

2. SUVs are the SHIT.  Seriously. You should buy one. B/c evidently they’re indestructible. Unbreakable. God’s vehicle of choice ( I would think… if he drove. Ps-is drove a word?).

There was NO obvious damage. I say obvious b/c I still don’t know if the spare’s headlights will work the next time dad tries to drive it. But that could never be traced back to me anyways. No one saw my driveway hit and run. Thankfully my mom didn’t follow me outside to wave goodbye and blow kisses this morning (I’m not lying, she does this at least 85% of the time). That would have been very very bad. More like an Epic Fail instead of just a Big one.

Follow Up on Stupid Ex

After this I will never blog about him again… unless of course he knocks this girl up, which would DEFINITELY be grounds for a blog post; an amazing amazing blog post. But sadly that has not happened yet. I’m sure if it does, me, and  his other 708 “friends” on facebook will be the first to know. Actually we aren’t even “friends”, I haven’t accepted his friend request and I’m not going to. But his profile is public… just more proof of what a dumbass he is.

Stupid friend #1 wrote this on his wall yesterday…

ATTENTION!!!!

MISSING PERSON ALERT!!!

[Stupid Ex]  OF [some city]
21 YR OLD
BROWN HAIR AND EYES
REALLY GAY!!!!

IF YOU HAVE SEEN THIS PERSON LET HIS FRIENDS KNOW CUZ THEY HAVEN’T SEEN HIM SINCE HE GOT MARRIED

THANKS

Amazing. Priceless. Thank you stupid friend #1, thank you.

You know you’re lame when you’re always the only guy with his girlfriend out at girls night. Get a life.

And now, I’ll get back to mine.