To me, moral fiber would be publicly denouncing someone and saying how much you hate them and their opinions and how they should go back to their own country and never ever come back… and then seeing them in a movie and deciding you now love them. And then even googling them and buying their book. Very morally fiberlicious. Not bi-polar at all.
I’m talking about Russell Brand.
I really really really hated the bloke after his shenanigans on the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards. I hadn’t seen “the movie” yet. If you didn’t watch the VMA’s, here’s a recap:
“Sarah Palin, she’s a VILF, maybe. A vice president I’d like to … fumble, fondle? I don’t know.”
“That is the safe sex message of all time. Use a condom or become a Republican!”
“As a representative of the global community, a visitor from abroad, I don’t want to come across a little bit biased, but could I please ask of you, people of America, please elect Barack Obama, please, on behalf of the world. Some people, I think they’re called racists, say America is not ready for a black president. But I know America to be a forward thinking country because otherwise why would you have let that retard and cowboy fella be president for eight years. We were very impressed. We thought it was nice of you to let him have a go, because, in England, he wouldn’t be trusted with a pair of scissors.”
“Some people … say America is not ready for a black President. But I know America to be a forward-thinking country because otherwise why would you have let that retard and cowboy fella be President for eight years?”
Yes, hilarious… if you’re a democrat… I guess. And hey, buddy… Bush went to Yale for undergrad and Harvard for his MBA. I know you aren’t from America, but those are impossible schools to get into and I’m thinking the coursework there isn’t curved for dumb dumb cowboys.
That’s another thing… How can you possibly think it’s acceptable to give political advice or offer your political opinion (esp on National Television) when YOU AREN’T EVEN A US CITIZEN. GO HOME! I think you’re a racist. Anyone who says, “People who didn’t vote for Barack are racists” are in fact 1. ignorant and 2. racist themselves. I didn’t vote for him b/c I didn’t (and still totally don’t) think he’s qualified. He could be purple for all I care. It’s not the color of his face that matters, it’s the way he thinks… or doesn’t think. I doubt his brain is black. But again, who freagin cares?!?
But then…
Then I saw Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Sigh.
And I forgot all about the past mistakes of Mr. Brand. I forgot about the way I stared at him in disgust and screamed at the TV that he needed to lay off the blow. I forgot about his hatred for republicans and his lack of intelligent political opinions. All I knew was that he was fucking fabulous. And I loved him.
Such a guy move, making you forget all his faults just by being adorably funny. It’s ridiculous. He’s Aldous Snow in the movie as I’m sure you all know, and is “dating” Sarah Marshall. He’s seriously my hero. Best lines from the movie:
Aldous Snow: [holding a single sandal] I’ve lost a shoe… have you seen it anywhere? Excuse me, missus, I’ve lost a shoe… like this one. It’s like this ones fellow… it’s sort of the exact opposite in fact of that – not an evil version but just, you know, a shoe like this… but for the other foot. Otherwise I’d have two right…
Sarah Marshall: I hate your music.
Aldous Snow: Yeah well, I fucked the housekeeper the other day.
Aldous Snow: Come on tour with me. I’ll serenade you every night in front of thousands of women.
Sarah Marshall: I didn’t know you were going on tour.
Aldous Snow: Yeah, I’m going in two weeks. It’s like an 18 month tour, 43 countries, Infant Sorrow, and it’s gonna be a massive tour.
Sarah Marshall: Yeah, I can’t come cause I have a job. I’m a working actress.
Aldous Snow: Not anymore. You’re an unemployed actress. Perfect. You could be the queen of the groupies, queen of the Sorrow Suckers.
Sarah Marshall: The Sorrow Suckers?
Aldous Snow: Sorrow Suckers. I don’t know why they call them that.
Sarah Marshall: When were you planning on telling me this?
Aldous Snow: I just told you, then.
Sarah Marshall: Yeah. No, I know. But telling me now isn’t really the same as telling me.
Aldous Snow: Well, look, you know, I’ve not told you I’ve got genital herpes, because it’s not inflamed at the moment…
Aldous Snow: [scene where Aldous is about to leave the hotel] I would rather have my testicles spread out like a wafer and then have them covered in a layer of honey and then have wasps come and sting me and then have them covered in another layer of vinegar and then have it worn as a swimming cap by a Nazi. I’d rather have that than spend another second with her. How you served five years under her, I don’t know. You deserve a medal, or a holiday or at least a cuddle from somebody.
Aldous Snow: I mean, I’ve heard that women do fake orgasms, but I’ve never seen it… It really, deeply upset me.
Incredible. There are much funnier quotes but I couldn’t find them online. When he’s talking to the religious guy I almost died. If you haven’t seen the movie. GO NOW and buy it. Don’t even rent it, b/c you’re gonna wanna see it more than 5 times.
My last post I said I was going straight to the bookstore to get that breakup diet book. Yeah… no. I walked allllll around the store looking for than damn book and found nothing. Not true. I found Russell Brands Booky Wook. It called to me from a counter near the front doors. No, not really. But the cover is black and hot pink; my favorite color combination and the color of my future bad ass motorcycle. Finally I asked the sales clerk guy (which I hate doing for some unknown reason. No, I know the reason, I like to do things all by myself. I’m a big girl) and he tells me the breakup diet wont be in till March 25. I can’t wait that long!
So I bought the Booky Wook instead. Hardcover. I’m such an impulse shopper. I haven’t started reading it yet but I’m pretty amped about it. Yes, I just said amped.
Sigh. What a beautiful booky wook.
