Umm.. OK…?

Strange. I haven’t really written anything interesting in weeks but my stat table shot up today… Now here I am (again) wishing I had google analytics so I would know what the reason was. Damn you simple wordpress blog, damn you.

Highly related; I took a personal day yesterday. I wasn’t planning on doing this but for some reason I pulled an all-nighter and didn’t go to bed till 7:30 am.  Consequently I got 3 hours of sleep (on the couch) and when I woke up I didn’t really feel like moving, at all. So I didn’t move. That’s not true, I went to the bathroom a few times and let the dogs out and might have gotten some food from the kitchen; but I didn’t move much. Mom was not too thrilled about this but I assured her (in a loud voice that could be confused with screaming) that while I may not be at work, I am still working. Obviously that’s a lie. I was extremely productive though.

The all-nighter is actually a little embarrassing. No, I wasn’t out partying it up. I wasn’t drinking or smoking or taking speed or lines or anything (those last two I don’t actually ever do).  I was… I was… sigh, ok, somehow I got extremely motivated (I wish I knew the source of the motivation so I could bottle it and spray it on whenever I need it) and around 10 pm I started working on my new website I was talking about a week or two ago. I looked at the clock at 12:40 am and told myself that at 1 am I was going to bed. Didn’t happen. I got fucking addicted to finishing the site. Pathetic. The next time I looked at the clock only b/c I could hear birds chirping and thought that was strange: It was 5:30 am. Dagger. The whole night flew by. Going to bed at 5:30 am seemed like a lost cause so I gave up on sleep and focused on working. Around 7:30 am my body demanded sleep and my brain was rebelling (it was already thinking about the work day ahead and was not excited about it).

I put my head on the pillow and closed my eyes. Literally 2 minutes later my mom walked in the family room where I had just laid down. Shit. Do normal people really wake up this early? I pretended I had been asleep for hours on the couch. She was loud as fuck doing dishes in the kitchen but I still managed to pass the fuck out fast. In the small amount of non-REM sleep I got I had a dream that basically haunted me all day. Thank you brain. Stupid bitch (my brain’s a female, like myself. Duh). Details shortly.

I woke up thinking I was going to go to work but then the whole “I don’t wanna move” mood hit me so I picked up my computer and yup, I got back to work. All day I worked on that fucking site. Making a website is not easy. It was kinda fun though. Especially when things started to fall into place. It was easier to do during the day; the night before I had taken a few xanax to go to bed (didn’t work) so I was beginning my website building journey under the influence. It made it much less stressful but ultimately backfired. I would finally figure out how to set up a database and rejoice (congratulations! You now have a database!) only to be directed to the admin login page and… umm (think think think)… what the fuck is my user name and password!??!?  Ughhhh why is this happening to me!??!! My face falls. I can’t remember my info. Why didn’t I write that shit down? Curse you brain. — Anyways… things like that… happening all night long. Yes, daytime is def the best time to do work. Trust me.

The site is up and running but I want it to be perfect and it’s not yet, so I’ll letcha know when I’m totally done and give y’all a link! I’m so excited!! I feel uber smart and accomplished. As well as exhausted.

The dream was about the ex; which really threw me off my game (or whatever I’m usually on) for the day. I haven’t had a dream about him or even with him in it since… since… I have no idea. Since last year maybe? Where did that come from!?!? It wasn’t very interesting except that we were at his parents house and it was a castle and his mom was being really cool towards me (she’s a huge bitch in real life. Huge. Bitch). Things we fine. We weren’t together in my dream (together meaning relationship). I remember wondering what the fuck I was doing at his parents castle and that I didn’t really wanna see him at all but didn’t know what to do. Then there he was (looking chunky btw. HA) and we caught up on life and things were not bad. The dream isn’t the story really. The story is what happened while I was telling BFF about my dream on our way to HH that evening. It’s a very short story.

My blackberry vibrates. I have a facebook notification. I read it and momentarily choke on my tongue and had it been my old car I would have thrown my phone at the windshield; not to GiGi though. Never at GiGi. The ex has sent me a friend request. AGAIN. THAT’S THE 3RD OR 4TH FRIEND REQUEST IN LESS THAN A YEAR PEOPLE. IGNORE. IGNORE. IGNORE. Can you NOT take a hint?!?!?!? Have you no pride?!?!

I was spooked the rest of the night thinking the ex has ESP and knew I had a dream about him. I mean… that is a little weird right? Coincidental? Definitely. Creepy? Totally. Pathetic? Ohhhhh yeah.

Off to a MLB game now =). HURRAY for the weekend!!!!!

I’m On A Boat Bitches

I had another Chris Cooley dream last night. I am a freak of nature. I do take comfort in the fact that my dreams are non-sexual and his wife is always there… so at least I’m not a creepy freak, right? It was so weird. We were in Hawaii on a big boat that somehow resembled my little cousin tater-tot’s bedroom; and we were docked. We’d been in Hawaii for a while now, sailing around the islands on our boat. Cooley and his wife were there along with my parents, my aunt and uncle, my youngest cousin tater-tot and me. My parents and aunt and uncle were on the island eating or shopping or whatever and I was on the boat babysitting my little cousin. Except, she wasn’t 16 like she is in real life… she was around the age of 1 in my dream. She was in diapers. And she could talk; very politely in fact. That made babysitting a whole lot easier.

Cooley’s wife had to fly back to the mainland for some reason and he was off saying bye to her. Ok I did say my dreams are non-sexual but I did know that we were going to be sleeping in the same bed together that night… non-sexually…and I was more than a little bit nervous about it. Tater-tot was propped up in the middle of the bed when she says, “Cousin… I really really wanna be a good girl. I’m trying so hard.” So I asked her if she had to go to the bathroom and she nods enthusiastically. I pick her up and take her to the bathroom. Then I stare at her and ask her what I do next. She tells me she can pee all by herself but she’s gonna need a new diaper. We chat for a second about how stupid diapers are and I start to look around the room for another. I glance at the bed… her diaper had not done it’s job; it leaked pee all in the middle of the bed. I take a closer look… the pee is not pee at all; it’s red wine. Red pee wine all in the middle of the bed I will soon be sleeping in with Chris Cooley. I mentally freak. I dash downstairs to search for new sheets and another diaper. I am all of a sudden in my Aunts house and there are presents lining the stairway… it’s  Christmas time. I know, Wtf?! Sheets are nowhere to be found. I go back upstairs. Tater-tot has found the diapers on her own. Bless you amazing little cousin. I leave her to tending to herself and try to think of how I’m going to fix the red wine pee stain before Cooley gets back.

I fail. Cooley gets back before I can think of anything besides putting a pillow over the stain. So now I’m nervous b/c I know he’s gonna see the pee wine stain so I’m acting totally weird. He doesn’t seem to notice… he must not know me very well. We chat for a while. He says he’s really hungry and I point out the Wendy’s floating on the water right next to our boat. He shrugs. He doesn’t want Wendy’s. I wouldn’t want Wendy’s either; especially a sketchy floating Wendy’s. I suggest opening presents or playing video games downstairs. He’s not interested. I give up on trying to entertain him. He seems a little lifeless now that his wife is gone. I don’t blame him; she was a lot of fun. But I’m a little sad; I thought we were going to have a lot of fun together.

The rest is a blur. I wish I remembered more b/c it was pretty awesome. It’s just so weird that I dream about him so much. The dreams aren’t even recurring; they’re all totally different. And they all make me late to work b/c I stay asleep hoping to finish them. Sigh.

I really hope that when I meet Chris Cooley for the first time I don’t blurt out, “OMG I dream about you all the time!” b/c I can totally see myself doing that. I can also see myself trying to rectify the situation by saying, “Oh no not dreams like that… you’re wife is always in them too!” I can almost see Cooley’s creeped out face and me, still trying to fix my awful first impression, unable to stop the word vomit coming out of my mouth, say in a small almost pouting voice, “We all have lots of fun together… Christy and I are like bff.” I trail off at the end, the tears start to well up in my eyes and my bottom lip starts quivering. I turn and run. And probably trip and face plant or run straight into a pole. I am SO cool.

Cool Kids Kiss Magazines...

This Is A Promise

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE hold me to this next year. Send me hate emails if I wimp out and decide not to do it; seriously. Ok, next year I’m trying out to be a Redskins Cheerleader. Laugh if you feel so inclined, but this has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. No joke. I have proof.

Me and My Big Brother: Around Ages 5 & 8- please ignore the dolls in the background (what was my mom thinking?)

My Sophomore Year in High School- I went to WMZQ Fest NOT b/c I liked country music... I went b/c Redskins Cheerleaders were gonna be there for a meet and greet

See? I’m not lying. I even currently bust out my own cheer moves at Redskins games (pre-game/during/ & post game). I can’t help it. Cheerleading was my most favorite thing ever and I miss it every day. And yes, I’ve lost weight since High School… I was seriously buff.

Please disregard my face... I look retarded. And this is without stretching... or working out.

I really hope my toe-touch face doesn’t haunt you for life… maybe I shoulda blurred it out. Oh well, anyways… So I’m a little out of shape/practice. Meaning I need to start working out and stretching again: Asap. I have a whole year to do this though. I missed tryouts this year (they just wrapped up) but next year… next year is it. I get nervous/anxious just thinking about it.

Hopefully I'll be out there next year... Hopefully I wont be the retarded cheerleader 4th from the left

If that girl can make the team… I def have a chance.

Dreams & Reality

I had the best dream last night. So good that I woke up to my alarm at 8:30,  not tired at all,  totally coulda gotten up but I made a conscious decision to go back to sleep in the hopes that my dream would continue. It may not sound cool to anyone who isn’t a huge fan of sports or pro sports players. But I am. So fuck off.

I was with Juicy and Pancey (in my dream) and we were all at Chris Cooley’s house. Chris Cooley is the Tight End #47 for the Washington Redskins, he’s awesome (I think), he’s hilarious (I think), and he’s kind of adorably sexy (I know). I only think those things b/c I’ve never actually met the guy. Unfortunately. One day I will. One day soon I know I will. He’s married to an ex-Redskins cheerleader, Christy, awww Christy and Chris Cooley, awwww. She got fired b/c they were dating. But she wins, b/c now they’re married and cheerleaders don’t make shit anyways. Chris keeps a blog which I love and this is why I find him hilarious and awesome. And it may also be the reason his house, his wife, and himself are popping up in my dreams.

Adorable #47

The ex-Redskins Cheerleader, Christy

The happy Cooley Couple

Yes, he is awesome

Strangely enough, this is not the first or second time I’ve had a dream about Mr. Cooley. I can’t really seem to figure out why I dream about him so much. I’m not obsessed with him. I don’t think about him on a normal basis. It’s just odd. I last dreamt about him right after Christmas time. I know this b/c there was a Christmas tree in my last Cooley dream and it was freezing outside. We were at his house that time too.

This time Juicy, Pancey and I were at his house hanging out with him and a bunch of his friends like we were all friends. I think we got in the pool at one point and it was just basically a shindig at the Cooley place. Then I passed out in one of his many many bedrooms with Juicy. It was so freagin real that when I woke up to my alarm I completely expected to be at Cooley’s house next to Juicy and got kind of scared when I realized I was at my house in my own bed. I started to wonder what the fuck I did last night and how the hell did I get home. Seriously. I did nothing last night people. I watched a movie at Bff’s and then went home and went to sleep. I think I have issues. And I know, that doesn’t sound like the best dream ever. But it was.

In other news, I’ve done basically nothing except maybe 30 minutes of work today and then I got sidetracked. It happens.

A really cute sales guy appeared out of nowhere and we chatted for about 5 minutes till he went and said, “Oh my wife loves that too!” And then I lost interest. Whatever. Get lost sales boy, I can do better than you.

I still haven’t started decorating my office. I just cant work with this furniture. It’s heinous. And my files wont fit in the stupid drawers anyways. Worthless AND Heinous.

I did all that work designing an awesome sign for our new office and getting quotes and now boss man says it’s too expensive. I’ve even gotten them to reduce the price. Still too much $. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?!? Ya want me to spray paint our name on the wall?!?!? Stencil it in or use a sponging method or something?!? This shit aint free bitch. Ya gotta spend $$ to make $$.

Diet Sprite (or sprite zero or whatever) is total carbonation. Take a sip and swish it in your mouth like mouthwash. Do it. I bet you cant.  It’ll make your mouth explode; or it’ll force you to aggressively spew sprite all over your computer. So… Warning: Don’t do this in front of your computer.

I’m in love with my keys. I got custom keys made a few months ago (Ok it was actually like, dead summertime) and each key represents how I feel about what door that key opens and where it leads. Sounds stupid? Well, it’s NOT. It’s awesome. My office key is camo. Every time I open the back office door (to sneak in the back staircase… late) I always see my camo key and think of boot camp; I just gotta get through this day, it’ll make me stronger.

Be All You Can Be... In The Office

My other keys are spare keys to friends’ houses and one has martini’s all over it, another is animal print. My friends are awesome animalistic alcoholics??? Hmmm, close. I wanted a Nascar one but the key blank wouldn’t work for the type of key I needed. Fooey.

I am so bored right now I feel like a zombie.

OMG What The…?!?

I woke up this morning (yesterday morning now actually) and my first thought was, “Holy mother of jeebus, wtf was that about?” Meaning… the dream I had. I meant to write about it much earlier but then… I forgot.

Here’s a snapshot synopsis of my dream:

One Word: Baby

I was with child. And when I say “with child” I don’t mean pregnant (which would have been a wtf post as well) I mean I had a baby girl. Holding her in my arms. Canoodling her, whispering sweet nothings in her ear and staring at her in complete awe. I was in love with this child. My child.

I was completely unaware of my surroundings except that I was at my church (which is also strange because I haven’t been there in forever) and I was in the ladies lounge. Then all of a sudden I was in the front foyer/lobby area by some dream moving magic. I don’t remember ever thinking “where the hell is my baby daddy/possible hubby”; it was just me and my perfect baby girl. Until…

Until Fucking Famous boy walks in, in a black tee and jeans, looking like he doesn’t really know where he is. (He must be lost; my church is a good 45 minutes from his place) And he’s all blurry, like he was in soft focus or something. But just as gorgeous.  (Side note, a Statefarm commercial just came on with a baby as the focus of the commercial and how they change your life. Weird.) Anyways back to my dream. My focus changes slightly (while still cradling baby) to watching Famous boy wander around like he’s looking for something . He doesn’t see me. And then… I woke up.

WTF does a dream like that mean? I’m not pregnant. Not even a possibility right now. I mean, I’m late, but it’s still not a possibility; I just have a fucked up cycle. I got my first ‘monthly visit’ in two years just last month. TMI? Whatever. But I haven’t been craving babies at ALL (although when I woke up, the lingering look of the little girls face pulled at my heartstrings) And the whole church thing with no baby daddy and a wandering soft focus Famous boy? It’s just too much. WHAT is going on in this brain of mine when I don’t have conscious control over it??

A quick interpretation I came up with was “Uh, duh. You wanna have babies with Famous boy but you’re scared he wont completely be there for you.” And my subconscious knows this b/c, well, he’s not here for me now (he’s not even with me now, or thinking about me now. Or ever.)

But y’all… my kid was SO freagin cute. It was unreal.