Cool(ey) Hump Day News

So it seems I’m not the only one with Mr. Chris Cooley on the brain. Check it out… seriously, watch it. Watch all of it. And get excited. Best part? Either the picture over the mantle in the beginning (seriously who does that? It’s awesome. I’m def gonna have one when I get married) or the part where he talks about being white; priceless.

I’m On A Boat Bitches

I had another Chris Cooley dream last night. I am a freak of nature. I do take comfort in the fact that my dreams are non-sexual and his wife is always there… so at least I’m not a creepy freak, right? It was so weird. We were in Hawaii on a big boat that somehow resembled my little cousin tater-tot’s bedroom; and we were docked. We’d been in Hawaii for a while now, sailing around the islands on our boat. Cooley and his wife were there along with my parents, my aunt and uncle, my youngest cousin tater-tot and me. My parents and aunt and uncle were on the island eating or shopping or whatever and I was on the boat babysitting my little cousin. Except, she wasn’t 16 like she is in real life… she was around the age of 1 in my dream. She was in diapers. And she could talk; very politely in fact. That made babysitting a whole lot easier.

Cooley’s wife had to fly back to the mainland for some reason and he was off saying bye to her. Ok I did say my dreams are non-sexual but I did know that we were going to be sleeping in the same bed together that night… non-sexually…and I was more than a little bit nervous about it. Tater-tot was propped up in the middle of the bed when she says, “Cousin… I really really wanna be a good girl. I’m trying so hard.” So I asked her if she had to go to the bathroom and she nods enthusiastically. I pick her up and take her to the bathroom. Then I stare at her and ask her what I do next. She tells me she can pee all by herself but she’s gonna need a new diaper. We chat for a second about how stupid diapers are and I start to look around the room for another. I glance at the bed… her diaper had not done it’s job; it leaked pee all in the middle of the bed. I take a closer look… the pee is not pee at all; it’s red wine. Red pee wine all in the middle of the bed I will soon be sleeping in with Chris Cooley. I mentally freak. I dash downstairs to search for new sheets and another diaper. I am all of a sudden in my Aunts house and there are presents lining the stairway… it’s  Christmas time. I know, Wtf?! Sheets are nowhere to be found. I go back upstairs. Tater-tot has found the diapers on her own. Bless you amazing little cousin. I leave her to tending to herself and try to think of how I’m going to fix the red wine pee stain before Cooley gets back.

I fail. Cooley gets back before I can think of anything besides putting a pillow over the stain. So now I’m nervous b/c I know he’s gonna see the pee wine stain so I’m acting totally weird. He doesn’t seem to notice… he must not know me very well. We chat for a while. He says he’s really hungry and I point out the Wendy’s floating on the water right next to our boat. He shrugs. He doesn’t want Wendy’s. I wouldn’t want Wendy’s either; especially a sketchy floating Wendy’s. I suggest opening presents or playing video games downstairs. He’s not interested. I give up on trying to entertain him. He seems a little lifeless now that his wife is gone. I don’t blame him; she was a lot of fun. But I’m a little sad; I thought we were going to have a lot of fun together.

The rest is a blur. I wish I remembered more b/c it was pretty awesome. It’s just so weird that I dream about him so much. The dreams aren’t even recurring; they’re all totally different. And they all make me late to work b/c I stay asleep hoping to finish them. Sigh.

I really hope that when I meet Chris Cooley for the first time I don’t blurt out, “OMG I dream about you all the time!” b/c I can totally see myself doing that. I can also see myself trying to rectify the situation by saying, “Oh no not dreams like that… you’re wife is always in them too!” I can almost see Cooley’s creeped out face and me, still trying to fix my awful first impression, unable to stop the word vomit coming out of my mouth, say in a small almost pouting voice, “We all have lots of fun together… Christy and I are like bff.” I trail off at the end, the tears start to well up in my eyes and my bottom lip starts quivering. I turn and run. And probably trip and face plant or run straight into a pole. I am SO cool.

Cool Kids Kiss Magazines...

This Is A Promise

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE hold me to this next year. Send me hate emails if I wimp out and decide not to do it; seriously. Ok, next year I’m trying out to be a Redskins Cheerleader. Laugh if you feel so inclined, but this has been a dream of mine since I was a little girl. No joke. I have proof.

Me and My Big Brother: Around Ages 5 & 8- please ignore the dolls in the background (what was my mom thinking?)

My Sophomore Year in High School- I went to WMZQ Fest NOT b/c I liked country music... I went b/c Redskins Cheerleaders were gonna be there for a meet and greet

See? I’m not lying. I even currently bust out my own cheer moves at Redskins games (pre-game/during/ & post game). I can’t help it. Cheerleading was my most favorite thing ever and I miss it every day. And yes, I’ve lost weight since High School… I was seriously buff.

Please disregard my face... I look retarded. And this is without stretching... or working out.

I really hope my toe-touch face doesn’t haunt you for life… maybe I shoulda blurred it out. Oh well, anyways… So I’m a little out of shape/practice. Meaning I need to start working out and stretching again: Asap. I have a whole year to do this though. I missed tryouts this year (they just wrapped up) but next year… next year is it. I get nervous/anxious just thinking about it.

Hopefully I'll be out there next year... Hopefully I wont be the retarded cheerleader 4th from the left

If that girl can make the team… I def have a chance.

I Heart The LFL

BEHOLD: The Lingerie Football League

Many of you may laugh your asses off at this but I am totally intrigued. When are tryouts coming to my area?!? Gosh my parents would be so proud. You should definitely read up on this. It May Just Blow Your Mind. What a brilliant idea (besides the fact that the combination of pads and lingerie looks retarded).

Do they know how ridiculous they look?

This really happened. Seriously.

I think tight pants and crop tops woulda been much cuter; but then I guess they wouldn’t be called the Lingerie Football League… maybe they would be the Sexy Football League. I know, that’s a lame name. Y’all got any better ideas? I can’t decide if this is totally degrading & sad or if it’s simply fucking fabulous. I’m torn.

Check out Some of the teams… and their incredible team names…

San Diego Seduction

Denver Dream

Please tell me you noticed that the girls in the 2 posters are..ahem… identical. Classic.It doesn’t get any better than this. Really.

Seattle Mist

Yup… Saaame girls.

Other teams include Tampa Breeze, Chicago Bliss, Los Angeles Temptation, Dallas Desire, New England Euphoria, Miami Caliente and Atlanta Steam.

Their promos also use the same girls. Naturally. They must be the hottest girls in the league. If they play at all.

Seattle Mist has to be one of my favorites. How creative is that?!? I also really like the logo for Dallas Desire… it’s not one star (b/c that would be just totally copying the Cowboys) it’s a buncha stars; b/c that’s like, totally different than just one star. Totally.

I’m waiting for a team to start up in my wonderful hometown of Washington DC. I’ve come up with some tentative names for our future team. Please vote on your fav.

So I Started This New Blog

I did. Don’t ask me why b/c I dunno the answer. I just wanted to write about football more I guess. Sooo if you like this blog or football or both or just wanna read a good story (I only have like 1 and a half posts so far haha) go check it out!!! Show Some Skins

It’s not really as naughty as it sounds… I named it that for the Redskins. Although I do curse a lot. And there is some skin shown on the page.

And I promise to finish my story from a few days ago later today… or tomorrow. I’m So busy at work right now. On Christmas Eve, I know, life sucks.

Lets talk about Football

Can we just talk about football for a little bit? sorry if you don’t like it (freak, get off my blog) but i totally fucking love it. I love college football, I love pro football, i haven’t really gotten into high school football but then again why would i? our high school team sucked (wow that was like 10 years ago, scary) i was a cheerleader though if that counts for anything, and we (the cheerleaders) were bad ass.

Football season is better than Christmas. my Weeds watching has suffered (read:completely dissolved) due to Monday Night Football, and I don’t even care. MNF is like a freagin movie there are previews, a lil concert at the beginning, the best game of the whole week, and then reviews right after. Could you ask for anything more?

This year I’ve finally gotten into fantasy football. What took me so long? I HAVE NO IDEA. It is SO AWESOME. Its like when you think Football cant get any better… BAM… Fantasy Football. Why did no one tell me to do it earlier? i thought it would be stupid. I was WRONG. and I’m sorry people but i am really good at it. I hope that doesn’t jinx me. last week (week 2) i got 195 points. did anyone else get that many points?? Anyone? any takers? (I’m really hoping not… although someone somewhere probably beat me. dammit) Brandon Marshall screwed me week one (not his fault, I could have taken him out but it was literally my first ever ffb game) anyways… GOLDEN week two (hopefully my team will have no more injuries, please pray)  I am now a huge Denver fan. as long as the Redskins never play them. Denver has the same colors as Auburn too, which works out awesome for me.

ps- the Redskins are the sole reason my page has changed into the new theme. This is as close to Maroon as I could get. I may keep trying, stick with me through possible new themes.

Skins play the Cardinals this week and will be 2-1 when we meet the Cowboys on the 28th. I’m not even talking about that right now though. I cant. I’m so sick of hearing about them its ridiculous. and in rivalries anything can happen as I’ve seen in past years. and trust me, we hate the Cowboys enough to totally kill them (not literally, i mean on the field).

I’m going to the game this Sunday WOOHOO so maybe I will post a pic or two. This page needs some more spunk. Pictures would probably do the trick.

COLLEGE GAME OF THE WEEK: AUBURN #9 Vs. LSU #6

Holy shit people. I hope you realize. This is a HUGE game. LSU will come to Jordan Hare Stadium on the gorgeous plains of Auburn to play in literally a blood bath Saturday night on ESPN 7:45 ET. WATCH IT. LSU is favored to win… barely. And I know better. LSU hasn’t beat Auburn IN Auburn in 10 (TEN) 10 years! We play them every year, switching between Baton Rouge and Auburn. When we meet in Baton Rouge, they win. When we meet in Auburn, we win. thats just how it goes. I’m not saying thats a definite, b/c that would be stupid. I’m saying I know my team and we will not let LSU beat us at home. If you have ever been in that stadium, you would understand. So watch the game and get lost in the Auburn Spirit. Sounds gay but is so crazy, it gives me chill bumps. WAR DAMN EAGLE!!

Oh and check out Cooley’s blog, (blogroll on right) he’s a lot busier than me and blogs a lot more which I find hilarious and cool at the same time. If only I was cool enough to sell clothes with my initials on them on my blog or have people spend $2′700 for something I have previously worn. Maybe one day? anyways, i wasted about 2 hours of my life reading it last night so i hope you waste some of your life reading it too. why not? it’s interesting. he’s got a hot wife too. not that that has anything to do with anything but it’s a fun factoid. that girl is a lucky lucky 21 year old bitch. oh yeah, she’s 21. life’s fair. totally.

Ok enough football talk for now.  I may make my theme orange in honor of the Auburn game this weekend. then back to maroon afterwards. feedback people? anything?

69 people love me

so im drunk. shocker. and at the beach actually. and felt like getting online b/c my brother is in the hot tub with his gf and i thought id give them a good 30 minutes alone… so im checking my blog and i have 69 hits. I have a dirty mind but i thought that deserved an entry.

reading that over, i feel like a huge huge huge loser. my brother and his gf are in the hot tub, while im in the beach house, alone, online, writing on my blog. dammit. but i dont want a boyfriend. its just at times like these that i do. i need a rent a boyfriend but that sounds highly whoreish.

wow… 4 days later, no longer at the beach and completely sober reading what i forgot to finish or publish. i am totally retarded sometimes. sadly it kind of makes me want to go get drunk.. too bad I’m at work. but not for too much longer yayyy! Damn, reading it also makes me wanna go back to the beach. ok im gonna dip outta here without finishing my time report, whatev ill do it tomorrow morning. worst worker ever, sometimes. like at 6 o’clock on mondays. and i am way too pumped about Monday night football to stay here any longer. ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL!? haha yessss

oh wait, side note… song im obsessed with at the moment… listen to it it’ll make you smile )

Tim McGraw “Last Dollar”

1-2-3 Like a bird I sing
Cause you’ve given me the most beautiful set of wings
I’m so glad you’re here today
Cause tomorrow I might have to go and fly away
Hey!

Verse1:
I’m down to my last dollar
I’ve walk right through my shoes
Just a small reminder of the hell that I’ve gone through
But look at me still smiling
As I’m wondering what I’ll do
Since I ain’t got nothing
I’ve got nothing to lose
Everybody say “HaHaHaHa, HaHaHaHa”
My friends are always giving me
Watches, hats, and wine
That’s how I know this is serious
That’s how I know it’s time
I don’t have to worry
About things that I don’t have
Cause if I ain’t got nothing
I’ve got nothing to hold me back

Chorus:
1-2-3 Like a bird I sing
Cause you’ve given me the most beautiful set of wings
I’m so glad you’re here today
Cause tomorrow I might have to go and fly away
Fly away, fly away

Verse 2:
There’s nothing that’s worth keeping me
From places I should go
From happyville to lovingland
I’m gonna tour from coast to coast
I’m leaving everything behind
There’s not much that I need
Cause If I ain’t got nothing
I’m footloose and fancy free

Chorus

Look at me so free
Nothings holding me down(down)
Look at me so free
Can’t keep my feet on the ground

1-2-3 Like a bird I sing
Cause you’ve given me the most beautiful set of wings
I’m so glad you’re here today
Cause tomorrow I might have to go and
1-2-3 Like a bird I sing
Cause you’ve given me the most beautiful set of wings
I’m so glad you’re here today
Cause tomorrow I might have to go and fly away
Fly away, Fly Away, Fly away, Fly away
Fly

1-2-3 Like a bird I sing
Cause you’ve given me the most beautiful set of wings

(Tim’s Little Girls) 1-2-3 Like a bird I sing
Cause you’ve given me the most beautiful set of wings

(Tim’s Little Girls)1-2-3 Like a bird I sing
Cause you’ve given me the most beautiful set of wings

(Faith Hill, “Keep Going”)

(Tim’s Little Girls) 1-2-3 Like a bird I sing
Cause you’ve given me the most beautiful set of wings