I Can’t Believe It’s Almost Been A Whole Year

A year ago my life was completely different than it is now. I lived in a 2 bedroom apartment in Atlanta with my dog and the ex. At the time, he obviously wasn’t the ex; he was it. I was literally crazy about him and he was (or had been till this month last year) crazy about me. It sounds alright when said like that but being crazy about each other- at some point… somehow- turned into both of us being totally & legitimately out of control crazy.

I was living in my own hell with an insane boy; and I just couldn’t quit him. I had countless opportunities to walk away; to get out, but I always chose to stay. I had zero self-esteem; he made sure of that every chance he got (basically every second of every day). I had no real job. I worked at a restaurant/sports bar but had only just finished training and had worked maybe 3 shifts. I hated it. I had a phone interview with a Public Relations firm tomorrow (last year) and I was slightly hopeful. I desperately needed a job, my debt was becoming astronomical (almost $20,000).

The fights that the ex and I were having seemed non-stop. He didn’t even believe that I had a job as a waitress and would show up during my shifts to make sure I wasn’t lying. He thought that I was flirting with customers, other waiters, managers, anyone with a penis. He thought that b/c I didn’t answer my phone every time he called or texted I must be cheating on him. Two days from now (last year) I didn’t show up for my scheduled morning shift at the restaurant and only went back the next week to get my paycheck: My pathetic waitress job caused too much stress between me and the ex and I just couldn’t do it anymore.

It was the darkest place I’ve ever been in my life. Thinking that I loved the dog more than I loved him; the ex would hit my 6 pound dog harder than you’d hit a full grown husky. He made my dog yelp and cry on many multiple occasions; just to assert control and to watch me console my pup sobbing while he shouted profanities and threats and looked at us in complete disgust. He had started smoking pot on the regular, which I hated, and was hanging out with a sketchy crowd to say the least. He never went to class but was convinced he was going to ace all his classes. We never went out. Going out meant extreme fighting. He drank constantly. He never remembered what he did or said when he was drinking; so he never really remembered anything.

I was all alone. I had basically one friend in Atlanta. I knew her from college (we’re still good friends). He wouldn’t allow me to make new friends. New friends meant that I was hanging out with and thinking about someone other than him, and that meant I didn’t really love him. The girl he fell in love with was a pretty, bubbly, outgoing, adventurous, driven, fun-loving, popular, easy-going, funny, smart, fit blond. The girl living with him was none of those things. He ruined me to make me more manageable. I would never leave him if I thought no one else would want me. He made sure that I thought I was stupid, boring, worthless, lazy, fat, ugly, pathetic, unloved and insane; by telling me those things every single day. They begin to stick after a while.

The funny thing is, I always knew he was just saying these things b/c he was insecure himself, and I felt bad for him; so I continued to verbally build him up in the hopes that his self-esteem would grow and he wouldn’t feel the need to cut me down all the time. This approach didn’t work… at all. A week after today of last year- 2 days after I almost co-signed on a new car for him, 2 days before my in-person interview with the Public Relations firm, hours after telling me I was the only girl for him and he’d love me forever- he woke me up to dump me at 3am; after he got some… naturally.

My world collapsed at 3am. He left me completely broken. I could barely breathe. The loneliness I experienced that night was indescribable. I had no one. I sat in bed crying uncontrollably, on the verge of a nasty panic attack, while my dog licked at my tears. After an hour or so, when I realized he wasn’t coming back, I called the only person I knew still loved me: My big brother. The chances of him picking up or even waking up at 4am were highly slim to probably none. But he did.

I honestly don’t know where I would be today if my brother hadn’t answered his phone. I was not me back then; I was who the ex had made me and without him I had no idea who I was. I was nothing. I was no one. But my brother answered his phone and all of a sudden I was his little sister again. He loved me, he cared; and I’m pretty sure he saved my life that night.

He told me it was gonna be ok. He told me to call dad in the morning and that he would book me a flight to come home that day. He told me not to worry: Put all my valuables in my car and we would worry about everything else later. He told me he loved me. He told me that the ex breaking up with me was the best thing that could have happened. He told me the ex was a loser and medically insane; adding that he must be in order to let someone like me go. He told me he had been so scared for me. He told me he was so happy I was finally coming home. And he told me that everyone else was going to be so happy too. “We’ve missed you so much.”

I fell asleep crying.

The next day everything happened like he said it would. A brief encounter with the ex as I was leaving to go to the airport and I drove away feeling like I was in a movie; complete with sad breakup background music. Of course I remember the song. Right as I put the car in drive and rolled up my window, Rihanna’s newly released “Take A Bow” started playing on the radio. It was the first time I’d ever heard the song.

The timing was unreal. It was perfect. He really did put on quite a show. He really had me going. And now it’s time to go. The curtain’s finally closing. I knew this was right. I knew he’d be the one looking back with regrets. I knew that I’d make it somehow. I started breathing more evenly. I stopped crying. I called my BFF.

After I told her what was going on and she promised she’d come back to Atlanta with me to help me move my stuff out she said, “Oh thank you God my best friend is back!” I said, “Well, I’m not back yet.” To which she replied, “No, I mean you. It’s really you! I know you’re sad but the whole time you were with him you never sounded like yourself; you were someone else, and I couldn’t get to her and I thought I had lost my best friend forever but now you’re back! I can tell, you sound different; you sound like you used to sound. I’ve missed you so much, you don’t even know!”

That was the beginning of me realizing that I had been in a totally fucked up, controlling and abusive relationshit. I’m not gonna lie, it took a little while to realize that the person I loved didn’t really exist. It was just so hard to wrap my head around. I loved him unconditionally for a year and a half almost and it wasn’t real. That really fucks with your brain. To think you could be fooled for so long; brainwashed and completely controlled and not even know it. I thought it was passion. I thought it was true love. It was crap. It was the descriptive paragraph under “reasons for prescribing schizophrenic medication”, which he started (and stopped) taking 2 weeks before the break up (he said he didn’t like the way they made him feel… I’m guessing the feeling was normalcy, and he didn’t know how to deal with normal).

The first night I went out in DC after I got home I thought I would be fine; I thought I would have a lot of fun. At first I did. The bouncer said I looked a lot happier than I had last time he saw me (we used to frequent that bar a lot) and told me I looked awesome. I smoked a cig outside when a a girl I’ve been friends with since 3rd grade walked up and squealed when she saw me; I jumped on her and gave her a big hug. She said, “YES you’re back!! I knew you’d get rid of that fucking loser asshole and come back to us some day!” I told her he dumped me. She said, “Well fucking good. Who cares who dumped who? At least it’s over. He was fucking crazy!” We laughed. He was fucking crazy. Everything was fine until the vodka hit me.

I had one and a half drinks and was totally wasted thanks to the break-up diet I was unknowingly on. It consisted of eating basically nothing b/c chewing was too much work. Food was completely unappealing. That night after only maybe an hour I ended up bawling uncontrollably and BFF took me to the small office in the back of the bar and told me not to move. I didn’t wanna move. I just wanted to die. She  reappeared 10 minutes later with pizza in hand. She said the other girls had suggested pizza b/c they had guessed I hadn’t eaten in over a week (based on my appearance and pathetic consumption of alcohol). I didn’t want it but I ate a few bites to make her happy and we got in a cab and went home. Friends texted telling me they loved me and that it would be ok. I knew they were right; I just didn’t know when it would finally be ok again.

Thankfully, our 3 week family trip to Hawaii was 2 weeks after the break up. God must have known I would need that. The BFF and I had gone back to get my things so that was all over with. I had just changed my phone number so that the ex would stop texting and calling me and I was so ready for a break from life. I was down to about 105 pounds on my medium built 5′4 frame and my face looked freagin huge in comparison. I’d never been that skinny before. My clavicle was completely visible as was my breast bone and my hip bones stuck out like a really sore thumb. I was wearing a double zero. The cruise was a blessing. I finally started eating again and it was so nice to be away from cell phones and society.

I guess it took a month or two of mourning till I was ok. I healed surprisingly fast. I didn’t grieve consistently b/c life wouldn’t allow it. The cruise was more healing than hurting but a few weeks after that when I started “dating” someone new the grief came back ten fold. I obviously wasn’t ready to date yet. The break up happened at the perfect time though; right before summer, and I fucking love me some summer. It was the best summer I’ve ever had. I loved being single. I still love being single.

All of a sudden here I am, a whole year later. I’m employed, almost out of debt, at a healthy weight, looking at apartments on Saturday and most of all I’m happy. I’m so fucking happy it’s ridiculous. I’m happy just to be alive. I’m happy I get to be myself every second of every day. The ex breaking up with me was the best thing that could have happened. When I think about the ex now I laugh. It was a lesson learned the hard way but it was worth it. I feel no love for him, only pity. I got out, and I got on with my life. Yes, he’s the only boy to ever break up with me but… he’s crazy… so that kinda validates it for me. Crazy people don’t count. I just thank the lord I didn’t get preggers with crazy boys child. Thank. You. God. Anyways, I’m super close to my brother now and I have more friends than I ever could have asked for. I’m blessed. It’s amazing how fast a year can fly by and it’s even more amazing how much can change in just one little year.The possibilities for next year are endless. Who knows what’ll happen next? =)

I was def not planning on writing that much at all. It’s 9pm and I’m still at the office. Jeebus that was intense. Sorry about that guys, I got a little out of control on this post. It happens.

My Brain in Bullet Points

• This morning my mom’s decorator was at our house. I used to work in her design shop so we kinda go way back. She said I look fab and should consider modeling. I pointed out that although my heels are 5 inches, I’m still only 5′4 in real life. She made a little pish posh sound and said there was a niche out there for me, like hair or face modeling or something. Then she said I better get on it before I get too old. Great. That’s just great. I was beaming and now all I can think about is how in a few years I may turn into a prune.

• Last night I reached for my water and almost knocked it over but I thought I had saved it. Fail. A minute later my clock starts acting possessed and playing random radio music really loud. None of the buttons work, my clock is dripping water and is slightly sparking. I had to unplug it to kill it.

• My perfect lil dog’s breath is starting to smell bad =( He licked my nose last night and I smelled poo for 30 minutes straight. This makes me very sad. Does brushing their teeth make a difference? He’s only 3 years old!

• I realized I have zero “grown up stuff” to decorate my new office with. I don’t even know what “grown up stuff” really is. I just know what it’s not. Like, it’s not a collage of pictures of me and my friends at different parties along with concert tickets and sporting event tickets, it’s not a framed poster of Hawaiian pipeline, and it’s not an awesome picture of me pretending to be the girls next door that I printed from face in hole… So far I have a calendar up… that’s literally it.

• I’m going to make a Fuckit List. And I’m really pumped about it. I’ll post it as I come up with it and then post the whole thing. #1. Rush hour traffic; fuckit. #2. Boyfriend; fuckit. It’s awesome you guys should def make one.

When I Grow Up I Wanna Be…

“I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.” -Albert Einstein

“It’s hard to think about growing up when you’re right in the middle of doing it. It’s hard to know what you want. Sometimes there are so many voices in your head it’s difficult to know which of them is yours.” – Kevin Brooks

“The key question to keep asking is, Are you spending your time on the right things? Because time is all you have.” -Randy Pausch

“We never keep to the present. We…anticipate the future as if we found it too slow in coming and were trying to hurry it up, or we recall the past as if to stay its too rapid flight. We are so unwise that we wander about in times that do not belong to us, and do not think of the only one that does; so vain that we dream of times that are not and blindly flee the one that is…We think of how we are going to arrange things over which we have no control for a time we can never be sure of reaching…Thus we never actually live, but hope to live, and since we are always planning how to be happy, it is inevitable that we should never be so.” -Blaise Pascal

“Whatever you think you can do or believe you can do, begin it. Action has magic, grace and power in it.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Yes I know, that’s a lot of quotes. I couldn’t decide on the best one, they all kinda fit. SHIT. That’s my whole point; I’m indecisive like whoa. Not on all things. Ya know, just the things that determine my life direction and important as hell stuff like that. I’m a dreamer. A big freagin dreamer.

I know I know I know. I WANT to live it. I’m full of these awesome ideas that I come up with literally every day. Big ideas; like life altering fantastic ideas. My therapist says this is ADD in me; evidently us ADD people are very creative and are always coming up with new things to try. Some examples (as told to friends and family):

“I’m thinking I wanna join the Navy and become a naval pilot. Ya know, go to officer training and then aviation school. How bad ass would that be?!?”

“This year I’m totally gonna try out to be a Redskins cheerleader. I mean, it’s always been a dream of mine. I really think I could do it and what a great experience that would be!”

“That bitch Erin Andrews. Screw her and her long legs and perfect hair. I could do that. Yup, that’s totally what I wanna do. Sports reporter… it’s perfect. I love talking, I love sports AND I would totally love being on TV.  Someone call up Ms. Andrews and tell her to watch out for her new, better, younger competition.”

“So I heard Chris Cooley is directing a movie here in DC and acting tryouts are next week. I’m sooo gonna do that. I’ll get to meet my fav tight end AND break into the movie business which is exactly where I belong.”

“Lets just pack up our shit and move to Key West. Lets do it. I’m completely serious.”

“We need our own reality show so bad it’s not even funny. I’m gonna start video taping us and submit it to MTV or some other station… however it is you go about doing that. I have no idea but I’ll figure it out. This is it Juicy. This is IT.”

“I’ve been thinking about going back to school and becoming an RN. Nurses are in high demand right now and I think it would be a really good career path. I mean, just think… I could work anywhere!!”

“I’ve always wanted to be a singer. I’ve been reading all my old journals to get some insight into what I used to want to be when I grew up and every single entry ended with, ‘I’m gonna be a famous singer one day! You can do it!’ Maybe I was right. And how freagin cool would that story be when talk show hosts ask me ‘So when did you decide that singing was your dream?’ Oh. Well. According to my old diaries… when I was 9.”

“Let’s open a clothing store, with bad ass clothes obviously, but not just clothes… when you walk back to the dressing room you realize the store is a lot bigger than you thought. Then you keep walking and all of a sudden the store opens up into a huge tiki bar area complete with a huge pool and waterfall and awesome bikinis and flip flops for sale, so it’s still a store, but there’s no roof, so you can get tan AND drunk AND shop. Maybe we could even have some Hollywood type effects like every hour there’s a huge rainstorm for just a minute to cool everyone down and add to the excitement. We could call it ‘Weather’. I know… Genius.”

“I love tan lines. I wish tanning salons sold stick-on bikinis so I could keep my tan lines without having to wear my bikini in the tanning bed and worry about the strings giving me weird loopty loop lines on my back and neck. I’m totally gonna invent stick-on bikinis.”

“I’m gonna teach myself CSS and HTML. I’ll be a self-taught web designer before you can say, ‘Hey, kick ass blog.’ Mom, go get me some web design books, I’m seriously going to do this.”

“I just wanna surf. I wanna move to Cali, get really good at surfing and then get sponsored by Roxy or Billabong or Toes to the Noes and get free stuff for life and live on my board just surfin waves man.”

Ok enough examples, I’m sure you get the idea. I have dreams. Lots of them. I just don’t know which ones to pursue. So. I. Do. Nothing. It’s awful. I crave adventure and excitement but something always holds me back. My therapist says this is the ADD curse: Inability to follow through. On. Anything. Well fucking great. Thanks for the great genes mom and dad. You’ve screwed me to a life full of amazing optimistic ideas with a serious lack of follow up action. All my ideas are just that: Ideas.

But, being me, I don’t fully accept this notion of a curse. I’d rather make completely bullshit excuses rational explanations for why I’m not pursuing my dreamy ideas…

I’m not in good enough shape yet and I’d have to workout a bunch to be a Redskins cheerleader or a naval pilot.

I’m not skinny enough to be a in a reality show and make girls hate me but secretly wish they were me; I’ve just gotta lose the 5-10 pounds that the camera adds.

I don’t believe in myself enough to try to be a singer or Hollywood actress. Are they really happy anyways??And what if everyone was just being nice when they told me I’m an awesome singer or would make a really good actress? I bet they were lying. Y0u too mom. You liar.

I’m thinking someone probably already came up with the whole stick-on bikini idea… I mean, there’s no way I’m the only person that loves tan lines right?

I am NOT a morning person… reporters get up at the crack of dawn… scratch that idea right off the list. Unless ESPN caters to spoiled lil prissy girls who “Like totally need my beauty rest and do not wake up until 9 at the earliest but usually 10 am is preferred. It’s in the fine print on my contract.” ESPN, “I’m sorry, but, who the fuck are you again??” Me, “Umm I’m your next Erin Andrews… DUH.“

The other ideas I don’t have the funds to support and I’m clueless on how to execute the ideas and get the ball rolling. I also can’t find the time to teach myself anything new and complex with work, family, friends, my social life and stupid boys getting in the way. Ughh the complications of a busy life. No ME time.

How am I possibly going to become the best ME that I can be with NO ME TIME?!?

I need another vacation… Is there any way to become a professional vacationer? If so, I’m TOTALLY gonna do that.

Don’t Miss Me Too Much

Work… DONE

Payed Bills… YUP

Starting to freak out because I haven’t started packing for Florida… Definitely

I’m not taking my computer so I’ll be MIA till Tuesday. It’s gonna be really weird. But nice at the same time. Getting disconnected is healthy every once in a while.

I will have my phone though… Meaning I’ll be updating Twitter… Probably often. I can’t be totally disconnected, I’d go insane. So you guys can check out what I’m doing on vacation while your stuck at work

When I get back I know I’ll have awesome stories to tell so get excited. Here are some pictures to make you jealous. Seriously that’s the only purpose of these pictures.

Now that you hate me… I really will miss y’all!

Don’t worry I’ll have a daiquiri for you… or ten.

Hump Day News

I watched the movie Burn After Reading and it was completely awful (worst movie ever) except for the fact that it’s set in DC (I always love that) and Brad Pitt was in it (still hot). So I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. I did learn something from it though. Saying “shit” in reference to “stuff” (or instead of stuff) makes you sound like the biggest idiot ever. Even Brad Pitt is not an exception to this rule. Since I usually try to go against the flow of the retarded masses… I’m trying to stop saying “shit” so much. This is gonna be hard b/c I say it all the time. Seriously. Ok bear with with me. Hump Day News.

I’ve been trying to buckle down and really get stuff done. Phew ok this isn’t so hard.

That said, getting stuff done translates into not a lot of interesting stuff to blog about. I know… it’s awful. But this is what I’ve been up to.

• I cleaned my room. This is huge. I haven’t cleaned my room since I moved back home in April… yeah. I promised my mom for her birthday that I would clean it (details on this later). I had at least 20 baskets full of clothes and random stuff (mail, magazines, stuff from car, Christmas gifts, etc.) and I sorted through all of them and put everything away. I still have 2 huge hampers full of clothes to wash and take to cleaners but you cant build Rome in a day… or something. I also have no where to put these clothes once I wash them because all my closet and drawer space is full. Totally full. I even have a free standing clothing rod that’s full… I have so much stuff. It’s unreal.
• I’ve been getting work done at work. I know. Amazing. Except today… I missed blogging too much.
• I’ve turned over a new leaf to go to bed earlier and get up on time, shower every morning, put on makeup and get to work on time and adorably presentable. This morning was a failure (I went to bed at 2… don’t really know why) and overslept a little so I had to skip the shower and was 30 min. late to work. But I feel like that’s ok b/c it was snowing and people suck at driving in snow. I did manage to pull together a smashing outfit and put on fresh makeup. So not a complete failure. I’ll try again tomorrow.
• I’ve started keeping a to-do list again. Oh how I’ve missed my to-do lists. They kind of suck though b/c every time I look at it I’m reminded that I still have to write Christmas thank you notes. Boo Hiss. I hate thank you notes. Obviously I’m thankful for presents. Who isn’t? Presents are awesome. Thank you notes are bland and boring and end up in the trash. A total waste of cute notes and envelopes in my opinion.
• I shaved my legs (among other things) and thank Jesus, Mary and Joseph I did. It had been at least a month. TMI? I feel like this could be the beginning of a regular shaving regime. Exciting isn’t it? (Twenty-something men around the world rejoice)
• I joined Twitter. I kind of love it. “This is what I’m doing world! If you don’t care you can suck it!”
• I finally figured out how to upload photos from my new camera to my new computer. Sigh of relief. This was a huge stress for me.
• I’m in the process of downloading Photoshop CS4 Extended Edition (like right now) and I’m amped about it. Maybe I can charge it to the company?? Is that ethical?
• I’m relearning French. 7 years of French classes should be a good base wouldn’t you say?

That’s it really. The other stuff is really boring so I’ll spare you. Don’t be disappointed I’ll pep it up soon =P

Au revoir pour maintenant!

A Look Back… But Just A Quickie

I’ve got a lot to write about and no real chunk of time to actually write it. So my solution is, of course, to put it off till later Not everything changes with a New Year, especially not procrastination. Besides, it wasn’t even one of my resolutions.

I do feel like writing something though and I found this on an adorable new blog I stumbled across called Erin Uncensored so I’m gonna be a copy cat. You can’t copy write blogs anyways…(or can you?) Surprisingly, our first answers are identical. weiiiird.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before? get over a relationship way quicker than I expected to… like WAY quicker.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s resolutions and will you make more for next year? I don’t remember the resolutions I made last year but if I did make any they are null and void because I was in the midst of an insane brainwashing relationshit. This years resolutions I think I’ve listed in a previous post… move out, tone up, oh and win the lottery or marry that semi famous guy. either/or.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
no. Friends, family and I were sans baby this year. phew.

4. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008? My own space. Or if I may sound corny for a sec.. “a place to call my own”. And a private jet.

5. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? wow. That’s a harder one. And of course I don’t have my day planner with me.  Oh well, I know I remember the big ones…

January 14- I go to jail for 3 days. Me. Jail. 3 days, and nights. I will never forget that. What a fuckin way to start the year. I shoulda known then… but… you never know till ya know right? Mom was right. (everyone was right)

January 29- Business trip to Vietnam. Pretty neato unless your crazy bf thinks you’re sleeping with your married with baby overweight boss and therefore harasses you to the point of complete humiliation and racks up a HUGE overseas phone bill.

February and March= really awful blur. I do remember a tornado in Atlanta though.

April 4, 3:00 AM- Drunk boyfriend wakes me up to dump me. Around 4:00 PM- catch a flight to go home.

April 18- My bff and I fly back to ex-boyfriends and now my ex apartment to move my stuff out and roadtrip back to my new home… with the parents.

May 5- two week Hawaiian cruise (couldn’t have come at a better time)

Mid June- Best birthday I’ve ever had. I realize I have the most amazing friends ever.

July 17- Kenny Chesney Concert in Virginia Beach! SO GOOD! And we got to visit friends, a great trip.

July 26- Rascal Flatts and Taylor Swift concert! Maybe the best concert ever.

August 29- Trip to Key West with two girlfriends. The best time I’ve ever had hands down. Another trip is in the works for this year.

September 20- I meet my future husband (he doesn’t know it yet)

September 28- Redskins beat the Cowboys!!!

October 2- New Kids on the Block Concert. I know. I know. I know. I’m amazing.

October 31- Best Halloween in a long time, maybe ever.

November 13- My lucky day.

December 21- My girls and I go to the Eagles vs. Redskins game, get wasted and we win.

There’s a lot that I left out, I thought one for every month was good enough.

6. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Getting and staying out of that relationship. and being really really happy about it.

7. What was your biggest failure in 2008? The amount of debt I racked up. :/

8. Where did most of your money go?
shopping, eating out, bills, buying stuff for the apartment that I ended up vacating, moving (moving is expensive!), repairs on my truck, drinking, getting my hair done, eating out, drinking, the usual.

9. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) Happier or sadder? def happier!!
b) Thinner or fatter? hmmm damn I think about the same. After the breakup I was basically anorexic but now I’m back to normal.
c) Richer or poorer? DEF richer

10. What do you wish you’d done more of? Listening to other people (or at least hearing them out)

11. What do you wish you’d done less of? Listening to my ex and basically just putting up with alllllllllll that shit. ughh it makes me mad just thinking about it.

12. Did you fall in love in 2008? at the end of it, with myself again. Thank God.

13. What was your favorite TV program? Weeds

14. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? I don’t hate anyone. I just feel bad for them.

15. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 24 and I went to a Tim McGraw concert! Then of course we went out to celebrate some more.

16. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? I have no idea. I don’t have regrets so I wouldn’t change anything really. But who knows if I would’ve been happier if I had dumped the ex back in June of ‘07 (like I did) but then not gotten back together with him. I have no idea where my life would be right now.

17. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008? get into my skinny jeans dammit. and stay fabulously awesome

18. What kept you sane?
Vacation, thinking of vacation, planning vacation, friends, my dog, family, blogging, my therapist, nicotine unfortunately and happy hour.

19. What political issue stirred you the most? I’m not talking about this right now.

20. Who was the best new person you met? Hard to narrow down, and too early to tell anyways!

21. Tell us what valuable life lessons you learned in 2008… My dad’s words really are true, “Honey, it really shouldn’t be this hard”

Happy 2009!

This New Years Eve for some reason I decided to take it easy… meaning (shock inducing sentence to follow) I stayed home while all my friends were out partying up and welcome in a drunken 2009 New year and toasted champagne with my dad, awww.

The REAL reason I didn’t go out. 1. Lack of funds for shelling out $$ for an open bar all night along with 2. I had nothing to wear (pathetic excuse, only the girls understand)

I woke up at 4:30 AM to catch a flight from Dallas to DC and was too tired to do anything, including shop for a fabulous new dress or buy a ticket to my friends’ open bar celebration down town. Honestly I should have done all that before my trip to Texas but procrastination and indecision is a bitch.

The funny this is that I’m not disappointed in any way, I know that I would probably be freezing my boobs off in 23 degree weather trying desperately to hail a cab at 3 in the morning in DC while at the same time trying to make my head stop spinning long enough to make it home without having to make a puke pit stop. Gross mental picture but true all the same.

SO Happy New Year Everyone! 2009 will be the best year yet… there are so many possibilities

The best part… No work tomorrow! WOOOOH! and you guessed it, I will be watching football and drinking all day to make up for tonight My new years resolution???… keep being awesome while toning my tummy and booty and focusing more on what I want out of life because lets face it, I’m not 21 anymore and #1 on the list: move out of parents home. I feel like that’s the first step in the right direction.

Night Y’all!

100 things about ME

I know this seems like a lot of survey thingys but I saw someone do this on their blog… I thought it was cool. So here are 100 things about the ever awesome ME haha enjoy (and try it yourself it was pretty fun)…

1)  My favorite place in the world is on the beach.

2)  I thought that by age 24 I would have had a much bigger impact on this world.

3)  Everyone says my toy Chihuahua is the devil (hes a biter) but hes the sweetest thing if you’re worthy of love. (Dogs really do take after their owners.. he just doesn’t have a censor)

4) I’ve never been in a wedding. Or been asked to be in a wedding.

5) My parents have lived in the same house since before I was born. It costs almost 20x’s more now than what they bought it for. (now that’s a profit)

6) I think I’m probably a “drunk-arexic”

7) I am totally addicted to my blackberry curve and cannot WAIT to get the Storm!

8)  I worked at Hooters for 2 years in college. and I LOVED it. haha

9)  I am the baby of my family.

10) I’m a serious Daddy’s Girl

11) I will never buy anything smaller than a King Size bed. It’s impossible to go smaller once you’ve had the King.

12) I live with my parents and it kinda sucks.

13) I LOVE Football.

14) I want to live on the beach… in Hawaii.

15) I currently live in the Suburbs of Washington DC.

16) I love living right next to the Nations Capital, it’s awesome.

17) I hate the weather here… It’s too cold!

18) The main reasons I moved back here are 1. The Washington Redskins and 2. My family’s Country Club ( oh and family and friends…)

19) Looking back– I’ve never really been in real love. wow. None of that was real.

20) I could eat French Fries everyday. I love them. They are my go-to food. and chips and salsa.

21) I have two basic types of casual shoes and it is all I wear when I’m hanging out. Uggs in the winter, and Haviana (sp?)  and rainbow flip flops in the summer.

22) I like to steal comfy clothes from boys.

23) I think if I didn’t smoke, I would have a really pretty voice.

24) I went to Auburn University (for 5 years) and I loved it.

25) I lived in Atlanta after college (for almost 6 months) and I loved it there too.

26) My ex-boyfriend has some serious mental issues… so does my ex-ex… interesting.

27) I think my standards and expectations are probably way way too high.

28) I just started to like beer this year. How did I not like it before?? IT’S AWESOME!

29) My dad looks and acts like Stephen Colbert. No wait, Stephen Colbert looks and acts just like my dad, Yeah that’s right.

30) I think blue cheese smells like feet. Gross.

31) I love shopping, I could shop everyday. Ok really I love buying stuff haha. I could buy stuff every day.

32) I’m one of the messiest people you will ever come in contact with, however I’m very “clean” and hygienic. I just don’t like to “tidy” things up.

33) I have a very eclectic voice. Being from DC there are some words that come out really northern, but from living in Alabama, other things come out really southern. I think its cool. When I get drunk, depending on my mood, one of these accents usually takes control and its all out southern or northern.

34) I LOVE being single

35) I can sense fake people, and they bother me.

36) I’ve made a bucket list, and I highly recommend you do it too. It’s so much fun to accomplish a life goal and cross it off the list.

37) I live the life of a person who makes a lot more money than me (I spend too much $).

38) I’m almost 5′4 and I’ve always wanted to be at least 5′6. But I’m very happy with myself, I just think it would be cool.

39) The coolest thing about my parents is—- they still pay for my gas… ohhhh yeah.

40) I really do have the most awesome friends anyone could ask for.

41) I love wearing one weird thing when I go somewhere; like leg warmers or knee high socks or a side ponytail or newsboy hat.

42) Happy Hour is what gets me through the day.

43) I know the complete lyrics to WAY too many songs.

44) I will sing along to music in the car at the top of my lungs no matter who is in the car with me.

45) Summer Country Concerts are one of the best things in the world. I went to over 10 this summer.

46) I have the nicest boss in the world.

47) I do things that I know are really bad for me; like smoke and go to tanning salons. I’m into instant gratification, not long term consequences.

48) I love the smell of new cars, gasoline, chlorine, and the smell of a disposable camera right when you open the packaging.

49) I sleep with a LOT of pillows, pillows everywhere.

50) When I go into a CVS, I almost always end up spending over $150. I just cant help it.

51) I love being a blue eyed blond. Nothing against other colors but I’m just happy with the recessive genes I got dealt

52) My favorite sound is the sound of the ocean with seagulls in the background. I could listen all day (on the beach, not on CD)

53) I don’t see myself getting married any time soon. I’m just soo not ready for that.

54) My favorite Holiday is Halloween.

55) I love to dress up. I always have.

56) I have poker straight hair and I straighten it… does that make sense?

57) Sometimes I drive under the influence. I know it’s awful. Please don’t leave hate comments.

58) I think I have psychic dreams.

59) I’ve cried at every Rascal Flatts concert I’ve been to.

60) “If You’re Going Through Hell” by Rodney Atkins got me through the worst breakup of my life. I get chills every time I hear it.

61) I’m a very go-with-the-flow kind of girl and will make 5 different plans for one evening. (this drives my friends crazy)

62) I am REALLY bad at calling people. And I’m bad at calling them back.

63) My blackberry voice mailbox is full… and I have no intention of checking my messages.

64) I got my dream car paid in full for college graduation. (It pays to get your degree)

65) I love jeans. True Religion, J Brand, Citizens, Rock & Republic, 7, etc. (I cant afford them anymore, but I love them)

66) I get distracted VERY easily.

67) In highschool, I could count the number of zits I had ever had. (Not so much anymore haha)

68) I was a late bloomer. (not in the boob departed though, i peaked early on that one, dammit)

69) I only like to snuggle for a little bit. then roll over go to bed. I find guys appreciate this.

70) I’ve been to jail. It was not fun.

71) My signature drink is Stoli and Cranberry with a splash of Soda… Extra lime.

72) I’m also a wino.

73) I love having white teeth and take really good care of them.

74) I’ve only done about 2 solid minutes of work today.

75) I have an awesome laugh. Really loud. I get a lot of looks, compliments, and other laughs because of it.

76) I love BBQ chicken salads from CPK. I could eat them all the time.

77) I go for emotional unavailable or asshole guys. Go figure.

78) I don’t really enjoy the winter holidays. Just gimmie Summer and I’m happy. Christmas is too stressful.

79) Sometimes one of my friends will be talking and when they’re done I’ll realize they were talking to me and I have no idea what they just said. This happens often.

80) My calves are and have always been muscular.

81) In middle school I was a mild gothic kid. Turned cheerleader in highschool.

82) I grew up with my mom until my dad moved back when I was 12. Long story.

83) The youngest I’ve been mistaken for recently is 15. I said Thank you.

84) I love hugs.

85) I really want a black and hot pink motorcycle.

86)I don’t have any tattoos but I want one. I just cant figure out what to get.

87) I come up with crazy ideas/inventions all the time.

88) I have lil boobies. I love them. I would totally accept a free boob job though. Who wouldn’t want free cleavage?

89) I love to swim ( not competitively, just like frolicking in the water)

90) I love to Snus. hehe. In fact, I’m gonna do it right now.

91) I have a really hard time sitting through an entire movie.

92) My hip bones make me really happy.

93) I’m very photogenic. and I know it.

94) How is it that I got all the way to #94 without any problems and now with only 5 left, I’m running out of things to say about myself…? I must be really tired.

95) It’s all in the eyes (gentlemen)

96) My ass is amazing. Really, it is.

97) I love that Auburn University has so many mascots. Tigers, Plainsmen, War Eagle! If you don’t get it… you didn’t go there. obvi.

98) 2 of my boyfriends in college and a hookup buddy were my neighbors. (I guess I’m into convenience?)

99) I was in a sorority… wanna guess which one?

100) I actually feel like I’ve accomplished something by finishing this thing.

I See You’ve Already Met The Twins

I was reading someone Else’s blog and found their latest post really interesting. So I’m stealing the idea. Yes, I am an idea thief (as well as the devil).

I’ve always been very into Star Signs and Astrology. Mostly because I think I am the Cooolest sign there is (Gemini) and the Gemini description and characteristics completely suit me. I am the epitome of a Gemini. And I love it.

What’s it like to be and date a Gemini? I’m SO glad you asked! Let me tell you I stole this from an article someone wrote about dating (and breaking up with) a Gemini. It’s awesome so I’m quoting it.

One of the things about dating a Gemini is they look around a lot on a date. This is while you’re talking, I mean. Don’t be confused: they’re looking for someone more interesting than you. And you shouldn’t take it personally, because it has nothing to do with you. Even if you are the most interesting person on the planet, they’ll still need to check every minute to make sure. It’s your job not to smack them or get emotional about this, sheesh.

Damn, that is so true. AND I just figured out how to type in color!!!! YESSS! So excited haha. Ok more article…

That’s not what did us in though. It was superficiality vs depth.

Gemini lives on the surface, very much like a butterfly flitting, and this is how it should be. Should a butterfly only flap their wings half as often? Of course not.

I am perfectly aware of my superficiality. Now on to random Gemini quotes and thoughts.

Nothing scares a Gemini more than commitment and they
tend to like variety more than sharing deep emotions with
others.

Things You’ll Need for a Gemini date:

* Ball Game Tickets
* Concert Tickets
* Dinner Reservations
* Sporting-event Tickets

That’s so true too!! The way to my heart is definitely paved with tickets and reservations. Bravo.

Understand that Geminis are freedom-loving and will not be forced into a traditional role. It may take time for your date to even appear truly interested in you.

Are you starting to get the Gemini Qualities?

Keep in mind that Geminis see all sides of an argument. They are quick-witted and curious, although they may seem baffling or illogical. Get used to it!

Be creative and have fun! The worst thing you can do to a Gemini is be boring.

And I think I’ll end with this one, It’s a little long but my it’s my favorite article about Gemini’s…

Curious Gemini loves secrets, but you don’t really stay with any subject long enough to dig into its deepest mysteries, and that includes the subject of yourself. As Mercury’s first child, you already know that one of your strengths is quick-wittedness. You’ve been talking your way into and out of trouble since you were a toddler. Great promoters like Donald Trump, talkers like Bob Hope, politicians like Mario Cuomo and tale-spinners like Dashiell Hammett are examples of Gemini glibness.

Your magical ability to switch selves when the need arises is a real power tool. Those who’ve seen Gemini do this are amazed. If one part of you becomes depressed, disillusioned or ill, you just get rather quiet and withdrawn for a bit, and then, voila! A little while later, you are spotted back in action, smiling and fully functional. If questioned about the former negative condition, you may look blank for a moment, as if trying to remember, before answering: “Oh, that. I’m fine now, thanks.” If we all had another self to slip into when life got tedious or troublesome, we’d all stay as young of body and mind as Gemini does.

Another secret strength is your perceptiveness. Many Gems have telepathic powers, and nearly all have the ability to size up a situation instantly, taking in information at a lightning pace and adding up the factors to attain an instant, and accurate, assessment even of unfamiliar circumstances and conditions. This talent, along with your ability to see everyone’s point of view, gives you the advantage in sales and public relations positions. You’re quite psychic. You must tune in and tap this inner power that the planets are making available to you, however.

The flexible willow withstands the storm, while the mighty oak is broken by the high winds. Your adaptability is one of your greatest secret strengths, just as changing conditions in the job and financial areas of your life have kept you hopping.

It must be admitted that some of the world’s great con artists are born under the sign of Gemini. Another strength is the power of the fast getaway. Your ex-lovers will attest to your ability to dematerialize. And when you think about it, who needs brawn when you can disappear into thin air?

Your genuine love of learning may be your greatest secret strength of all. Because you remain fascinated by all there is to know, you simply forget to grow old and stiff. “Set in your ways” is a concept alien to Gemini. What in youth was a troublesome restlessness (some called you unreliable) becomes a magnificent resilience in age. You retain your mental faculties and are a treasure to your loved ones as you grow older.

If your adversary is a Gemini, cultivate the ability to outwait or outlast them. In negotiations, the stall routine will drive them wild. Let them talk until they have exhausted their ability to concentrate on the subject at hand, and then make your move. In business competitions, they are great at promoting new ideas, selling and advertising, but their management style is sometimes their undoing – they’ve been known to over borrow and overextend themselves, with too many irons in the fire and a tendency to try to handle everything personally, instead of delegating to experts.

If you’re competing for the attention of a love interest, try calling the object of your affection on an evening when you know a date with Gemini is scheduled. If your love answers, you’ll know that Gemini’s tardiness gives you a chance to move in sympathetically and win the day.

Geminis slip easily through the fingers of those who try to capture or ensnare them. Never count them out, no matter how down they are. The recuperative and the bounce-back ability of Gemini is limitless. If you make the mistake of taking the victory for granted after you’ve won a few battles, you are in for a surprise. Their learning ability is also limitless. You only get to use a trick once, because Gemini catches on and will catch you the next time. Remember that Mercury, for all its slippery inconstancy, is an elemental substance – it retains its basic nature under any conditions.

So if you didnt know me yet. Now you have to have a pretty good idea. That was fun, now I have to get back to work