I had another Chris Cooley dream last night. I am a freak of nature. I do take comfort in the fact that my dreams are non-sexual and his wife is always there… so at least I’m not a creepy freak, right? It was so weird. We were in Hawaii on a big boat that somehow resembled my little cousin tater-tot’s bedroom; and we were docked. We’d been in Hawaii for a while now, sailing around the islands on our boat. Cooley and his wife were there along with my parents, my aunt and uncle, my youngest cousin tater-tot and me. My parents and aunt and uncle were on the island eating or shopping or whatever and I was on the boat babysitting my little cousin. Except, she wasn’t 16 like she is in real life… she was around the age of 1 in my dream. She was in diapers. And she could talk; very politely in fact. That made babysitting a whole lot easier.
Cooley’s wife had to fly back to the mainland for some reason and he was off saying bye to her. Ok I did say my dreams are non-sexual but I did know that we were going to be sleeping in the same bed together that night… non-sexually…and I was more than a little bit nervous about it. Tater-tot was propped up in the middle of the bed when she says, “Cousin… I really really wanna be a good girl. I’m trying so hard.” So I asked her if she had to go to the bathroom and she nods enthusiastically. I pick her up and take her to the bathroom. Then I stare at her and ask her what I do next. She tells me she can pee all by herself but she’s gonna need a new diaper. We chat for a second about how stupid diapers are and I start to look around the room for another. I glance at the bed… her diaper had not done it’s job; it leaked pee all in the middle of the bed. I take a closer look… the pee is not pee at all; it’s red wine. Red pee wine all in the middle of the bed I will soon be sleeping in with Chris Cooley. I mentally freak. I dash downstairs to search for new sheets and another diaper. I am all of a sudden in my Aunts house and there are presents lining the stairway… it’s Christmas time. I know, Wtf?! Sheets are nowhere to be found. I go back upstairs. Tater-tot has found the diapers on her own. Bless you amazing little cousin. I leave her to tending to herself and try to think of how I’m going to fix the red wine pee stain before Cooley gets back.
I fail. Cooley gets back before I can think of anything besides putting a pillow over the stain. So now I’m nervous b/c I know he’s gonna see the pee wine stain so I’m acting totally weird. He doesn’t seem to notice… he must not know me very well. We chat for a while. He says he’s really hungry and I point out the Wendy’s floating on the water right next to our boat. He shrugs. He doesn’t want Wendy’s. I wouldn’t want Wendy’s either; especially a sketchy floating Wendy’s. I suggest opening presents or playing video games downstairs. He’s not interested. I give up on trying to entertain him. He seems a little lifeless now that his wife is gone. I don’t blame him; she was a lot of fun. But I’m a little sad; I thought we were going to have a lot of fun together.
The rest is a blur. I wish I remembered more b/c it was pretty awesome. It’s just so weird that I dream about him so much. The dreams aren’t even recurring; they’re all totally different. And they all make me late to work b/c I stay asleep hoping to finish them. Sigh.
I really hope that when I meet Chris Cooley for the first time I don’t blurt out, “OMG I dream about you all the time!” b/c I can totally see myself doing that. I can also see myself trying to rectify the situation by saying, “Oh no not dreams like that… you’re wife is always in them too!” I can almost see Cooley’s creeped out face and me, still trying to fix my awful first impression, unable to stop the word vomit coming out of my mouth, say in a small almost pouting voice, “We all have lots of fun together… Christy and I are like bff.” I trail off at the end, the tears start to well up in my eyes and my bottom lip starts quivering. I turn and run. And probably trip and face plant or run straight into a pole. I am SO cool.
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