BFF: Pretty obvious. This girl has been my bff since 9th grade and will be my bff for the rest of my life. We’ve been through everything together and now we finally live in the same town. She’s working on her masters degree. Technically speaking I don’t have a sister… but I never really speak technically: This girl is my sister.

.5: This girl has been my other half for a few years now. Highlights include getting totally wasted together on a regular basis. We love happy hour, the Redskins and just being retarded together. She’s what I would call a compulsive exaggerator. I kind of love it. Entertainment is endless when you exaggerate. She teaches the youth of America; God bless her.

Juicy: We met in college (we lived in the same neighborhood) and figured out that we were from the same area, went to rival high schools and our parents lived 20 minutes apart. Small world. We didn’t become close until after college due to the fact that I was always tied to a lame boy. She works 5 minutes from me and we enjoy lunch together from time to time. We’re also huge fans of trips to the Florida Keys, the Redskins and Brunch.

Kendra: A high school friend of Juicy’s. We’ve become close friends because she is totally awesome. Highlights include amazing catchphrases she comes up with, smoking together and trying to get over her lame boyfriend.

Pancey: Also a high school friend of Juicy and Kendra’s. We bonded over our first Florida Keys trip together. The best of Pancey includes her not being able to ride a bicycle (seriously) and her acting like a 5 year old when she’s wasted.

Daniel: Kendra’s lame (now ex) boyfriend. Huge flirt. Read archives for more info.

Famous Boy: Non-Hollywood type super hot celebrity I met at a bar. After being the lucky girl to go home with him twice (seriously the envy of every girl in bar… and town… and country) I decided we should probably get married and have gorgeous babies and live happily ever after. Still waiting for him to get the memo. No, I’m not crazy… I’m just optimistic.

Anna: Another one of Juicy’s high school crew. We are honestly not really “friends”. We may be friends in the future but right now we’re just fake friends. It’s just to keep the peace really. We’re mature like that. We could have been real friends except that she met famous boy first and “claimed” him. I thought she was kidding… no… she was dead serious. So serious that she told me she hated me and stormed out of the bar we were at when I met him and he asked for my phone number. So serious that when she posted photos from that night, she called me a cunt and a bitch in the captions. That is not ok with me. And no, I do not accept apologies sent 5 days later through text message when you realize you’re a crazy psycho and no one likes you. Maybe our friendship will heal in time, but we were never really close to start with. She’s just one of those girls.

Jamie: Met her through Anna the night I met famous boy actually. But this girl is a class act, I love her. We bonded in the bathroom after famous boy texted me from another bar and told me to come meet up with him but talk to Jamie first. So I did… in the bathroom. So really, we’re friends b/c famous boy told us to be lol. His friend had told her that they were leaving and that we should meet up with them but not bring Anna b/c she’s crazy. Seriously. So we did. I had never hung out with this girl and all of a sudden we’re thrown together and turns out she’s an awesome friend. Cheers to that. I guess famous boy didn’t totally dick me over after all.

Mex: Juicy’s high school friend (Juicy is still friends with all her high school friends… like me=). Mex is awesome. She’ll pair Uggs with a fancy dress, she’ll scream and bitch at you in front of everyone, she has the ability to be adorable, sexy, ‘fat-girl’ funny and super scary all in one night … she’s real. (And she’s not fat at all. But she’s that funny). You never have to worry that Mex is holding anything back; b/c she’s not. She also gets over shit really quick. She’s loud. She’s hilarious. She doesn’t give a shit. I luff her.

Tater Tot: My youngest cousin. She’s 16 and is totally hot (for a 16 year old)

Beck: My middle cousin. She’s married with baby at the ripe young age of 21. That is what christian college does to you.

The Ex: Most recent Ex boyfriend (April ‘08 breakup). Hopefully will not be mentioned much at all unless I’m telling a story about our time together b/c I have got a ton a crazy unbelievable stories that are worthy of publishing. His borderline personality disorder made me into the strong, confidant woman I am today and I could thank him for that… if I talk to him ever again… which I won’t b/c he doesn’t have my new number. And he never will.

Christopher (aka C): Guy friend since 3rd grade. He used to date my oldest cousin (not listed) and now has some crazy girlfriend that he deals with b/c he loves to feel loved. Sometimes when I’m bored we hook up… but not recently. We also love to play rock band.

Gemma: C’s crazy girlfriend. I’ve never met her although I hope to one day. Sadly, she doesn’t wanna meet me. In fact she might wanna kill me. I know we could be friends though; as long as she could get past the whole “you hooked up with my boyfriend” thing. I mean come onnn, it was only a few times!

Shizzam: One of my best guy friends. I’ve known him since high school and we reconnected after college. We enjoy clubbing together and watching sports and TV. In high school he tried to feel me up and I turned him down. I love telling that story.

Jed: Shizz’s current room (house) mate. He’s pretty cool from what I can tell. Except that he’s a Giants fan.